Andrew Mioch: Episode 883

Transcript

[0:00:34] FG: Andrew Mioch founded Sexual Quantum Leap after taking a decade long journey into almost every sexual subculture imaginable. He realized that most men, even successful, high performing men lack the sexual education they need to rock the worlds of their partners. In his new book, Best She Ever Had, Andrew tries to fill that gap. He spent many years studying with some of the finest sexuality mentors in the world and this book brings together all of Andrew’s best material for the first time. This is the Author Hour Podcast, and I’m your host, Frank Garza. Today, I’m joined by Andrew Mioch, author of a brand-new book, Best She Ever Had. Andrew, welcome to the show.

[0:01:22] Andrew Mioch: Thanks so much Frank, it’s great to be here man.

[0:01:25] FG: To kick things off, could you please just tell us a little bit about your background and how that led to you writing this book?

[0:01:30] Andrew Mioch: Well, it started off with a woman telling me that I was absolutely terrible in bed and when she did that, I’m like, “I’m never, ever want to go through that in my life” so I just went and sought out the best mentors in the world and I just go, “You know what? I’m willing to learn how to” as the book tells us, “Be The Best She Ever Had” because I had woman tell me that I was the worst she ever had and basically, I shouldn’t have sex with women again because it was that bad, kind of vibe. I’m like, “Okay, I’m here to learn this because I never want to go through that painful roller coaster again” and it led me to, “You know what? I need to learn all this stuff.” I never thought I’d be teaching it and then here we are, its’ just a really encapsulated short version but that allowed me to go, you know what? If I’m in this position and guys feeling inadequate in the bedroom, not being able to express what they really want and have the connections I really want and I feel like sometimes I could be a bit of a loser like that’s how I felt, then I’m like, “You know what? I need to get this sorted.” That’s why I want to come from a place of teaching men that relatable, concise, sexuality advice without the woo-woo, without the fluff, without the BS and just kind of like be, the older brother, giving that advice as opposed to some clinical doctor who may be a bit nervous or some weird tantra cult kind of feeling, it’s just like “Hey, I’m just going to teach you some stuff to be an absolute beast in the bedroom so women will scream your name and you’ll be so excited when they do.”

[0:03:02] FG: How long have you been on this journey? How long ago was it that you got that feedback from that particular woman?

[0:03:09] Andrew Mioch: That was actually when I was 21. Yeah, I’m 31 in a few months. Sorry, in a week’s time. 10 years of being on this journey, it was the one of the hardest moments on my life and my sexual journey but then, at the moment, I look back on it and I thank this woman because if I didn’t get that woman saying that, I probably wouldn’t be here today because Dave Martin, one of my mentors talked about, it’s like, when your void to create your values and my void at that time was like, I got absolutely roasted so to speak by that woman. It hurt so much from ego point of view but then, when I really stepped into it, you know what? I’m going to do whatever it takes, that’s when the journey really started because it was like a deep dive, not just from a sexual point of view but a deep dive into who I am as a man and how I show up into the world which was like from going from a guy who was like, cheating, selling drugs, being a bit of a “bad boy” to now, I don’t need to cheat, I don’t need to be the bad boy and I can have feelings that felt connections with women from authenticity and vulnerability and just saying what’s actually true to me instead of trying to hide away. It is kind of like this journey from being a prince into a king so to speak and I say that loosely but I say that from a place of being an insecure guy, putting validation through sex and just thinking all about myself to really try and to take care and look after the people who are in front of me, I mean, leaving women better and wetter and that’s actually one of the chapters in my book.

[0:04:44] FG: I’m going to read a quote here from your intro. It says, “You might be wondering why the hell you should listen to me, who is this Andrew Mioch guy anyway and what does he know about sex?” Why should people listen to you about the subject?

[0:05:03] Andrew Mioch: That’s a great question. I’ve made all the mistakes, and I’m consistently learning and when I go out there and I look at sexuality, I always say this, look at what — look at people who resonate with you and all I’m doing is when I go out into the world and I talk about sexuality and I look at my — I look deeply at my experiences and I see myself as a practical learner who is humbled himself consistently by finding the mentors, traveling the world. Being willing to be a student and humble myself and still have mentorship and the reason I believe that people should listen, it’s like, listen with a very — listen with an empty mind and an open cup because I see there’s so many people try to force things about how you should be in the bedroom or what I’m trying to allow people do is get back to who they are and it’s been a wild journey of teaching people how to be “the best she ever had” but the best she ever had inside the bedroom. I am talking outside the bedroom and I’ve developed an understanding of here is how to be the best she ever had inside and outside the bedroom from very scientific point of view. Here is the technical aspect and here is like the heart place, so it’s bringing me up from a very emotional, understanding what is important to yourself and then understanding the very like, “Here are the techniques as well combined to it” opposed to where I say some practitioners, it’s more like just feel your body and more about the feel the body and the emotions kind of light or some practitioners are more like technical, “Here’s how to hit the G-spot” for example but I like to try and bring both worlds together and then give it very practical advice. Of course we’re going into the detail and very scientific look like, “Here is the clitoris and the anatomy” and I was like, “Here’s how to actually have the best sex of your life, here’s how to get all women orgasm and here’s where both of you do to really increase intimacy” opposed to like, “Here is the nitty-gritty of things.” That’s what I really like to do and when you can really properly do this, you will have sexual experiences that you never thought were possible and it’s your birthright to do so.

[0:07:20] FG: You talked a little bit earlier about who you wrote this book for but who would you consider your ideal target audience for this book?

[0:07:31] Andrew Mioch: The ideal man is a man who is just into personal development. A man who just constantly wants to strive to be the best in every area of his life, he understands that personal development is super important, he may be done a little bit of alternative, different touch, personal about it but he’s just a man who understands of going, “Well, I could have all the business in financial success” which is super important, but then when it comes to the intimacy and the connection with my partner. This is when — this is — I really want to look into this and when you got your partner who is truly satisfied, the man who I’m looking at, it’s like – and this is for basically any man or really man, if you’re open-minded, you’re into personal development and you really want to know that the secrets that will allow you to have the connections with the women and you go, willing to put your ego on the line and go, “I’m going to humble myself and learn this” it’s going to change everything. If you're a man who is listening and you’re thinking, you know what? You're too fucked up and broken and maybe you’ve got premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction or there’s no one to turn to and it’s like, I’m the guy who you can turn to and I’ve got your back man because this is like first and foremost, enough is enough of feeling like you have to be in the shadows, it’s about your sexuality and you can’t express this. If you’re a guy, if you look shy, feels nervous and you’re into personal development and you want to know and just have a growth inside the bedroom but outside the bedroom, this is for you.

[0:08:54] FG: Yeah, you talk about that in chapter one of the book, about this incredibly common male fear of being sexually abnormal or feeling broken. Can you talk more about that fear as you’ve seen it and what you think causes that amongst men?

[0:09:12] Andrew Mioch: Yeah, sure. I think the biggest fear is we’ve never had, number one, an education about sexuality, a proper sexual education, number two, don’t talk about it and number three, just in general, it’s such a taboo topic that it gets so suppressed that we don’t actually bring it up and then sometimes in culture, when it — this is what’s meant to be talked about behind closed doors. You go down the street and yell about sexuality but at the same time, I’m screaming from the rooftops about men having a proper sexual education and the men, a lot of men and also women suffer in silence as well about this sexual education and sexual self-expression but I am mainly dealing with the men because the after effect of allowing men to get back to, “You know what? It’s okay to feel fucked up and broken.” You know what? It’s not okay to stay in that place and not do anything about it because now they’ve got resource to do this because some men just have premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, they can’t satisfy their wife, they’re cheating on their wife, they might be staying that late at work because I don’t want to have that in depth communication with your partner to really understand what’s important to her and what’s important to you. You sometimes start turning to roommates and that’s why a lot of men do feel like fucked up and brokenness and I’m like, “I can’t talk to anyone.” That’s why I really reiterate, you can, as a man do something about this area and sexuality is a skillset and it all ties into so many areas of your life about feeling truly satisfied in the bedroom and then also, when she feels like you’re the man inside and outside the bedroom, that’s when it’s a killer combo and then she goes and just like, “You’re a man, who are you, where have you been my whole life?” kind of vibe because she wants to really get to know the man. She really wants — she looks at you like you’re her king, you’re the man that she’s been waiting for her whole life. If you are a man listening to this and you are thinking like, “Man, there’s no one to turn to. I have done everything I’ve done, the pills and the sprays” if you’ve got erectile dysfunction, you don’t have to, we also talk a lot about natural and holistic methods that allow you to not have erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Without nasty things like that, just doing everything organically, naturally, so that you can have sexual experiences that you absolutely crave. As I said before, it’s your birthright to really have the experience because it can be so painful to see men when they don’t open up about this and they just think, “Okay, I’ve gone through the honeymoon period for three to six months” but then all of a sudden, after three to six months, the intimacy dies where it doesn’t have to. Where I really encourage people to explore and open up sexually because if they’re not having sex with their partner, it’s basically two roommates and it’s just basically like, yeah, you’re living with a roommate which isn’t great and I really talk about how to maintain that sexual dynamic with your partner because it’s like, you really want to set up where you have that dynamic or your best friend who you fuck and then when you’ve got that, it just — everything changes for the both of you.

[0:12:12] FG: Chapter two is six sexual mindsets and you say, these are mindsets that get you out of your head and into your body. I’d love to just talk about a few of these more in depth, the first one is, sexuality starts with you. Can you talk more about that?

[0:12:30] Andrew Mioch: Yeah, the name of the book is obviously, Best She’s Ever Had but we’ve got to start looking at this as the best you’ve ever had and who you are as the man and looking into you first, everything starts with you. What is your connection with sexuality, what is your connection with actually intimacy? What is your connection with women? So went out looking into that because sometimes psychologically, we might be actually held back about what’s important to us and sometimes, we’ve come from the place of trying to be consistent. Here is the paradox being the best she’s had in the bedroom but forgetting about what is really important to us. I see a lot of high achieving dudes do this and I have done this myself seeking a lot of validation of like trying to be the man in the bedroom so then all of a sudden she will like me or like just trying to do the things where it’s like, “Hang on a second, what do I actually want? What’s going to really turn me on and how am I going to have beautiful experiences?” I get to the core and you may be thinking, “I don’t know what I want” but at the same time, are you actually asking and saying things that you want to do in the bedroom or are you open minded to explore. The irony is this, I see a lot of — when you start working on your own sexuality a lot of guys, there’s no women around me who want to explore and do all this crazy stuff and I’m like, as soon as you’ve done this shift opening their their mind, guys, “Oh my god”, every single guy then goes, “These women who have all these sexual fantasies and doing all of these crazy things in the bedroom, all these things in the bedroom that I’ve never thought possible are literally all around me.” That’s why I get, it’s like personal development of what I want, it starts with you. Why wouldn’t sexual education, it starts with you what you want, why you want it, how you want to do it, like looking into the depths of what barriers you perceive are holding you back and then when you can really dive into that and dismantle that and then blow off the lid and give you sexual opportunity and this option about what’s really important to you, you will see the huge difference of going, “Damn, I can have the sexual experience that I want.” That is why the sexual experience always starts with you so then like — and then when you understand your sexuality, you understand her sexuality that there’s that piece together and then when you’ve understood it to get like yours, hers and then ours as we say and then when that happens it’s like this collective understanding of like this is how it can really develop such a strong connection for yourself and for her and then that is when fireworks really happen.

[0:15:00] FG: The third one is presence trumps performance. Can you tell me more about that one?

[0:15:05] Andrew Mioch: Sure, presence not performance. I think in the modern day, we have seen a lot of porn, a lot of men usually start jerking off when they’re about 12 and start watching porn around the same time and it’s just an average statistic that I have seen from my own personal experiences and with the presence like so many men, like I have seen it. It’s like we watch porn and we are trying to perform. We are trying to do something in the bedroom, we are trying to be the man and what ends up happening is we’re trying to be a man and trying too hard to give her this experience. What will happen? This book is such a paradox because it’s like what I say to guys sometimes is try to let go of everything you’re trying to be the man in the bedroom and be the best and the first part is like they go like the simplicity. I talking to a mentor the other day, it’s kind of like this, going back to the foundation, it’s like hold eye contact and go slow. Most guys forget these foundational principles and then like giving all their attention to the women that is in front of you and not thinking about the weather, what is going on next week and sometimes that is hard because there is a lot of stuff going on but the more that I put my attention into her body, breathe, sound, movement and vocal expressions so I am really breathing deeply, I’m making noise. I am not judging myself or any other, these breath sounds, making just the sounds, I am just saying the things I want to say in the bedroom to her and I am allowing her to say the same things, it will draw you into the present moment, which you will be able to feel more sensation and way more pleasure and a deep level of connection with your partner as well as opposed to being so rigid and locked up like, “I can’t say that, I can’t do that, I can’t make that noise.” But when you give yourself permission to like breath, breathe, sound, making the noise you want to sound like not just making that little meek noises like really sounding like maybe it is animalistic, maybe something gentle but learn to noise come, sound movement, moving your body in a way not just moving it like a stiff board and vocal expressions like what are the things you want to say in the bedroom. Do you want to talk from really strong dirty talk or do you have very strong words of affirmation and saying, “I love you, I care about you, you are such an amazing woman” and I say a lot of the guys get stuck in the head when it comes to sex, which then allows them to jump out of the present. What I want them to do is really dive into saying the things and doing all of those things, the four things like breathe, sound, movement, vocal expression, which will draw them to the present moment, which will get them out of their head into their body for more enriching sexual experience.

[0:17:41] FG: Later in the book, you say how guys come to you with the perception that they learn the right techniques, they’ll be good at sex. Why doesn’t that work?

[0:17:51] Andrew Mioch: What it is, is like, a lot of guys try and jump into just learning techniques first. It’s like instead what I really prefer men do is the biggest sex a woman is going to have is actually her mind, so unlocking her mind, understanding what really does she want, understanding on her deep emotional level, what’s really important to her, how does she get turned on, really understanding what is that for you emotionally that you get turned on and then going into techniques. Because I just see some of the guys just think, “Okay, I learn a few techniques” and then that’s it but if a woman doesn’t feel safe, comfortable, open to you and not feeling judged in the bedroom and she can just give that full permission to like, “I am going to show you all aspects of myself” like that really gentle loving sensuous woman to that crazy whirlwind of a woman who just loves to be ravished and pinned down and fucked hard so to speak, if you don’t give that woman to show all elements of who she is inside the bedroom, it’s just what? If you could just use a random technique, it is not going to do anything, you know? We need to make sure that we understand the fundamentals of like allowing the woman safety and her willingness to open up about her sexual — about who she is and that goes in depth in the book and then when a woman does that, she will literally do anything with you sexually because she’s just like, “Thank you so much. Thank you so much for allowing me to be all of me” and when you hear a woman say that and then when we jump into having an emotional understanding and in-depth psychological understanding about who she is and you’re really expressing that for yourself as well. What will happen is like when you apply a technique, it is going to be ten times better. It is like understanding the psychology and the emotions as oppose to just doing the technique and then when you use them both, it is like a combo. It’s game over.

[0:19:48] FG: Chapter six, practical ways to boost your sex life. It’s full of ideas you can explore with a partner and you have a section in there called, exercises to connect with a partner. Could you just pick one of these exercises that you recommend and talk about what that is?

[0:20:12] Andrew Mioch: Your sexual then — I think it’s a great one to this on to touch on. How do we know what she wants or what you want if you’ve never really examined it and really looked into it or taken the time and that’s what I realize like really great people in any area of their life have really examined what is important to them and what exactly do they want. It might sound simple but when it comes to their sex life, what I really — in this chapter, really writing down what is your perfect day that you would love to have from. Maybe it is just like an evening together, what’s that perfect evening? What I see a lot of men do is they put their perception. They put their concern with a woman like, “Is she going to be pleased?” where it’s like, “Hang on a second, write this as though it doesn’t matter about her at all for now”. It is just “What do you actually want to do in the bedroom that day?” and then it could be also a morning to night. You could write from morning to night about what you would want to do or this most epic getaway about how you would connect and when you start doing this, what you start really seeing is the core and the depths about what you want, why you want it, what’s important to you sexually and then when you do this, you get her to write the same and you get her to write down exactly her perfect day, her perfect night, her perfect date and obviously, also write depending on her mood and the seasons of her cycle. If she’s more peak cycle or she might be more like raring to go like, “Let’s go, let’s have sex” or if she’s like coming up to a cycle. She might be a bit more slower, a bit more gentle but in saying that, getting her to write this down about what she’s always want like you can get to it for yourself like what you always want to do, what you always want to explore, what you want to express in the bedroom, what’s this perfect day, what’s this perfect night look like. You write this down really clearly and then you get her, you go “Babe” or to your partner, “I’d really love you to write down your perfect evening, what that looks like, how do you like to be treated, would it be a massage, would it be kisses, would it be me grabbing your hair like this, would you be dressed up in a certain way?” write that down and then when you do this, you share this with each other and then it would be a great way to kind of bring the spice back into the relationship and see how you can really get deeper in the sexual connection, no pun intended but you get what I mean.

[0:22:26] FG: Yeah. Well, writing a book is such a feat. Congratulations on getting this out there. Is there anything else about you or the book that you want to make sure our listeners know before we wrap up?

[0:22:38] Andrew Mioch: Well, I feel like we’ve just done a massive 30,000 foot overview, so there is so much more detail in the book and just like if you are a man listening to this and you are number one just going, “Dude, I just want to be a beast in the bedroom and have the neighbors know my name” so it is kind of like this all to a practical bias and powerful techniques so you’re the one who brags about, if you just want to know that man listening to that, you’re in the right place. Or if you are a guy feeling a bit shy, a bit nervous or you maybe are feeling that you are not pleasing your wife, it’s okay. I’ve got your back. I don’t want you to feel like, “Oh my god, this is these weird thing about sexuality” it’s like I want you to come to a place where it is normal to talk about sexuality and I am here to elevate the sexual wellbeing of humanity as you will see me talk about in the book. I really want to have people stepping into their power, so if you are not feeling powerful, if you are feeling shy, if you are feeling nervous or if you are just like feeling like you don’t know what to do, man, it’s like just read the book, go from cover to cover. There is a lot of stories that will break a lot of stuff down and I really hope this book touches your heart as much as it did touching my heart by writing this because I really poured my soul into this. So that no man has to suffer in silence again or no man feels like there is no one to talk to about this, so yeah, that being said, don’t feel like you are alone because you are definitely not and the more that we get to talk about this, the more like people’s lives begin to change and the more — yeah, it’s just a snowball effect to consistent because the more lives that change because of the men, the more women’s lives obviously will change. Then we’ll be happier parents, like happy parents and the kids then focus. They can see their parent’s life really great or just better sex lives don’t have to — as I said, you don’t have to suffer in silence. I am here and I’ve got your back.

[0:24:26] FG: Andrew, this is such a pleasure. The book is called, Best She Ever Had. Besides checking out the book, where can people find you?

[0:24:33] Andrew Mioch: The best place to find me would be sexualquantumleap.com or just put Sexual Quantum Leap in YouTube. That is super cool as well, you can check out a lot of videos that we’ve got there and then on the book as well, I highly recommend that you check out there is a lot of links in the book of resources that they can check out that will take them to specific trainings and if they want to book in a call and have a chat, that would be also — if they feel cool to, perfect so that’s about it.

[0:25:02] FG: Thank you Andrew.

[0:25:03] Andrew Mioch: I appreciate it. Thank you.

[0:25:05] FG: Thanks for joining us for this episode of Author Hour. You can find, Best She Ever Had, on Amazon. A transcript of this episode as well as all of our previous episodes is available at authorhour.co. For more Author Hour, subscribe to this podcast on your favorite subscription service. Thanks for joining us, we’ll see you next time, same place, different author.