It Really Is All About Relationships: Eddy Arriola

Transcript

Eddy Arriola: Crazy enough, the easy thing for me would have been, I'm gonna go start another company. I'm gonna go start another bank, fly up to New York, raise a ton of money and do this over again. The hard thing was telling people, oh no, I'm just gonna sit by myself and write a book that I'm not sure if anyone's gonna even read. And I'm gonna put some of my personal life experiences in there and see what happens when the world reads it. That was harder, I think, than going out and starting another company.

Eric Jorgenson: Eddie, I want to jump in right to the good stuff. And that is the peak moment for you in publishing this book that we talked about and your event at Books and Books. Can you tell us about this bookstore and your relationship to it and the event that you were able to hold there?

Eddy Arriola: Yeah, so when I first met with Scribe and they said, think about your champagne moment. What's going to make this all worth it? And I really thought about just being, I love books. And that's one of the reasons I wrote a book. I just wanted to be part of the author community and books. And there's an independent bookstore here called Books and Books that it's been in Miami since 1982. And if you read the acknowledgments in the back of my book, I mentioned books and books. When I first got my driver's license, the first place I went was not to a football stadium, not to my friend's house, not to a party. It was to books and books. And it's just a very special place. So when I was sort of logging my minutes and writing my words and trying to figure out why I'm doing this, I pictured myself being in this bookstore and being an author and sitting in front of a room. talking to a group of friends and just talking about books and my ideas. And so when I was finally done with the book and we were announcing the launch date, it was such a joy to reach out to the owner of this independent bookstore who has become a friend over the course of time, but is sort of one of my personal heroes. And to be able to say, I'm publishing a book. I want to go to your location and I want to have a book signing." And he made it all happen. The book is called, it's all about relationships. And he reached out to his team and was like, whatever Eddie wants, give him the date. We're going to do it. And it was a very special night. And we sent an email out and like within an hour it was sold out. And then he responded back. He's like, hey, great news. Like we have 100, it's capacity for 175. We have 175 RSVPs. We have enough time. Let's get a bigger venue. And I'm like, man, I always dreamed about being in that location, in that setting. I don't want a bigger location because my dream didn't take place in a different location. And so when that night came, we had a packed house and friends were there. It was just really one of the best moments of my life, to be quite frank. That's awesome.

Eric Jorgenson: I think there's something so warm and rewarding about a small number of the right people in the room. It really outweighs even a very big abstract internet number in a lot of cases.

Eddy Arriola: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, again, a very special moment. And even more importantly, to be surrounded by books. So they're not people. But to be in a room, it's not a library, it's a bookstore. it looks like the perfect bookstore that you have in your head. And I'm sure you've been to many like these where you're just surrounded by books and famous names. And as I told the story that night, I've been going to this place before I could drive. And I would go and look at the bookstore and look at the shelves and be like, one day my name will be here. And as you know, sort of authors come and go and I'd be like, oh, I'd be right after this guy. And so again, very special moment.

Eric Jorgenson: That's incredible. I mean, it's writing a book is such a bucket list thing for for many people and a lifelong dream. And I love that this is such a that's such a concrete vision for the combination of that event. And you were able to make it happen to, you know, through this unique relationship with the bookstore that you'd built up over time. That's so fantastic.

Eddy Arriola: Yeah, thank you.

Eric Jorgenson: It's probably one of the morals, you know, the book is all about relationships. So it's fitting that a relationship drives the head.

Eddy Arriola: So it was funny not to get too into it. But so we launched a book on March 31st. I reached out a week before and I reached out to the bookstore. And, you know, to be quite frank, I wasn't I was kind of anxious, even though I was friendly. The bookstore knows me by name and they recommend books to me. And I knew the books to be able to say I'm coming out with a book. I was I was anxious. And the owner of the bookstore, and he has been to many bookstores and he's a very famous person in the literary community. I sent him the email and copy the person who I know has events, and she replied back right away like a, you know, get sort of assistant or number two doesn't really. people plan this months in advance, we'll find a date for you this summer, and he replied back and he goes, Eddie's a long-term relationship with our store, whatever he wants, make it happen. And I'm like, the book is called, it's all about relationship, this is what it's about. So it was a very special moment for me because of the way it unfolded. That's incredible, I love it.

Eric Jorgenson: Okay, so tell me, let's zoom back out and tell me about the book and the moment that you decided to take it on.

Eddy Arriola: Yeah, so the book really starts before it was a thing and a title and a theme. I just always run to write a book. And as I mentioned, I love books. I love the literary community. And I just wanted to be sort of, you know, call myself a writer and a book person, even since my earliest memories. So it really started with How do you write a book? How do you go about it? What are the things that I can write about? And so they said, write about the things that you know. And I had always been very thoughtful about leadership and relationships. And I'm an entrepreneur and a CEO, and I started companies and sold a company. And I look back on my life and thought, how did I get to this point? And it wasn't because I was the smartest in the room or had the best strategy or the most access to capital, it's because I had really great relationships. And then through, I serve on the board of companies, and I do CEO advisory. And as I would talk to different CEOs and boards, the issues that came up weren't, oh, our strategy's off, or we don't know how to figure out a strategy or how to get capital, those sort of things that you can come up with good tactics and good consultants to sort of figure it out and just execute. But where people got stuck, What was about in dealing with other people is about not having the right relationships and I know personally any breakthrough I've had in my life, especially professionally, but even personally, it's because I had the right relationships. Something goes wrong. I had the right people to fall back on something goes right. It's because someone opened the door coach me thought of me. and brought me into the right situation. So as I started to think about where there was a void in the market, specifically in the book marketplace, I thought that there's plenty of books about leadership. There's plenty of books about networking, you know, how to make friends and influence people, but there wasn't really a book that talked about relational leadership, how one leads through building relationships. And so this book I felt falls, you know, where sort of Keith Farazi's, you know, Never Eat Alone or Gail Carnegie's book, How to Make Friends and Influence People, but how to do it from a leadership standpoint and how to implement this throughout an organization and across, you know, really your community and your industry. And I just sort of really fell in love with it, with the idea and went deep into it. And it started to resonate as I talked to others about it.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, that's a great process is like having that idea and sort of bringing it to conversations. You're just seeing like what what lights people up.

Eddy Arriola: Yeah, bringing it to conversations exactly right. Because this wasn't the original idea. I wanted to write a sort of a field guide on strategy. I got that. Yeah, I got that. But I need to talk to you about my CFO is driving me crazy. Or I have these business partners that I haven't talked to in five years and I don't know how to address this issue. Or I don't I want to build a new corporate headquarters and I don't even know where to begin in my community. And those are things that I sort of jumped on and like, oh, there's a void there.

Eric Jorgenson: That's very interesting. Yeah. I mean, I generally ask like what sort of creative twists and turns like a book took along the way and how did you arrive at those decisions? And I think conversation is a great indicator. If you've seen people light up, a book should feel like a conversation that you're just able to have at scale. Like, and if you're if you see it sitting across the table from somebody and they're like, you could watch them have an epiphany. You're like, all right, that's a chapter. That's a book title. That's a call out box, something like that. How long was that process where you went from sort of the book that you thought you were going to write to like having a clear picture of what this book was actually going to be?

Eddy Arriola: It was about six months and Scribe certainly helped me sort of narrow in and focus the idea of where this is going. And if I were to go back to my original notes that I shared with the scribe team, they wouldn't have made any sense. That was a different book. But it was hear the reps, focus on your outline, think about that one particular reader. What is it that only I knew and that only that I really had an area of expertise? and an idea that I'd be willing to sit with for, you know, for countless hours. So that was a sort of, you know, you got to, you know, this is as well as anyone. You got to put your butt in the seat. You got to be comfortable sitting alone. And you also have to have selective conversations. You can't talk to too many people, right? Because then you just get a flood of ideas or you get taken off course. So I love the, you know, the entire process of writing a book.

Eric Jorgenson: So in the final form of this book, as it emerged, one of the things we always talk about is your selfish reason and your selfless reason. So what is the transformation that you want the reader to go through and what is that for it's all about relationships?

Eddy Arriola: Yeah, so the selfish reason is I want to write a book because I want to see my name on the spine of a book and have it on a shelf and I want to show it to my kids and grandkids and that sort of thing. That was all I really, you know, really, really cared about. The selfless reason was, you know, I remembered being, you know, a third, so I'm 53 years old now. I remember being in my early 30s as a CEO and talking and I've been a part of EO and YPO for a long time and just hearing these conversations over and over of where people were sort of stuck. And I'm like, man, I have the experience now. I have knowledge and I've done a lot of research and had countless conversations. I have this, you know, this sort of superpower that I can sort of, you know, put in a wrapper, put on these pages and give to people and that hopefully they can read the book, read a chapter, read two or three pages and walk away and solve a problem, advance in their life, push their company. Or more specifically, just like impact a relationship that can, you know, carry on for decades. And that and I'm already as we've had, you know, readers and the books been selling, you know, just getting the stories back has been far more than I thought.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, we are recording this barely not even a month after the book has been released. So I'm sure there will be many more to come. But I'd love to hear some of those some of those stories that you're getting from readers.

Eddy Arriola: So as I mentioned, the the book is written so especially for first time authors. Is that you think about what you're writing this book for one person and for me it was the 35 year old Eddie CEO and what are the things I really want get provided that individual framework and sort of this field guide to get through, you know how to be a good leader, especially in working through others. And so it was really the, you know, the book is speaking to a CEO. It's probably even, you know, very male focused and a lot of the stories. And, you know, I pull, I pull stories from popular culture and sports and history and a lot are, you know, guy talk, right. But where I didn't expect it to resonate where sort of people sort of outside that boundary, specifically like an older generation, I've had several people by. 10 books, 12 books, and so one particular guy sent a note to someone I know and says, you know the author, I'm going to buy seven books, if you can get them to autograph or to sign everyone because I want to give them to my grandkids because I keep telling my grandkids that my success in life has been through relationships. And in this time of work remotely and AI and that sort of thing, what really matters is the relationships you build and getting things done through others. And another example, and I'm not sure when this is going to come out, but the defending national men's lacrosse team, NCAA lacrosse national championship champion team is Cornell University, which I actually didn't know until recently. And one of their donors called and said, they're playing in the Ivy League championship this weekend and we're trying to defend our national championship. speaking to this team, and I want them to know that although they're focused on winning and getting a trophy and earning another ring, what really matters is the relationships that they build with the 49 other guys in the locker room. And I want them to think about the relationships that they build with their teammates and the other guys in the team. And he goes, oh, I'm going to order 50 books. If you can sign them and personalize them to each and every team. So I had to get the roster, the Cornell men's lacrosse team and send that. And it was just, to me, so touching that this guy's like, Even though these guys are going to be on the field and have this sort of glory, it doesn't end there. When they're going to look back 50 years, whether they win or lose, they're going to remember the other guys on the field. And I love that, that this individual and now he's touching the lives of 50 other young men is not what I thought would happen. And it's fantastic.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, it's so cool to just see how the world responds. Like, you know, nobody could have that wouldn't have been on your vision board. Nobody knows what other people are going to see in your work. And the more attached people are to something too specific, I find the less, you know, the less they enjoy that kind of like surprising random stuff that comes up. And I love that story because, you know, something I tell myself and readers over and over again is like the greatest compliment a book can receive is being gifted. And so I would actually rather somebody like that buy a book and gift it to somebody and like bestow meaning and importance upon it and that it becomes like a bond in their relationship and a piece of shared context. Like this is really very cool and kind of what it's all about. I love that. Are there other unexpected good things that have come as a result of your book being out in the world, even just in this first month?

Eddy Arriola: So it's only been a month and I've done some, you know, some events, but, you know, seeing the twinkle in people is there's been people that either know my story or hear about my story for the first time. And they're like, Oh, you were a business person and you had success and you built a company and you sold it. And instead of going and doing that same thing again, and sort of, you know, stacking up, you know, more dollar bills. You, you know, you went to the, you know, to the cabin and you wrote a book and you spent time with yourself and you want to do this before you, you know, your, your end of days. And that like, I've seen people be like, what am, what am I doing? What am I avoiding? Because. It's crazy enough. The easy thing for me would have been, I'm going to go start another company. I'm going to go start another bank, race, fly up to New York, raise a ton of money and do this over again. The hard thing was telling people, oh, no, I'm just going to sit by myself and write a book that I'm not sure if anyone's going to even read. And I'm going to put some of my personal life experiences in there and see what happens when the world reads it. That was harder. I think, than going out and starting another company.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, to change tracks. I think Ray Dalio has done a good job with this and talks about it very specifically. He says, I'm in the the tribal elder arc of my life. I'm in the kind of teach and give back with no reservation. We all grew through the generosity of the teachers that came before us. And so paying it forward and just helping the next generation.

Eddy Arriola: It's funny, you're 100% right. And it's funny that you use the word teacher. So I gave you my sort of champagne moment and being at this bookstore, what I left out were some of the details was, so I've been fortunate. I've interacted with some big, big name people and I could have had any, and so we did a fireside chat that night at the bookstore and I could have had, you know, some famous people, some of them that are blurbed on the back of my book, but I'm like, it would make us perfect. My high school teacher, who's my history teacher in high school, who I've remained really good friends with, and he's still associated with my high school, and he lives in Macon, Georgia. I'm in Miami, Florida. I wonder if he would come to the event. He was like, brother, I was already going. And he goes, the fact that you want me to be up on, you know, on the stage with you is an honor. And he just, you know, he woke up at whatever four o'clock in the morning on a Friday in Macon, Georgia. And, you know, I offered to pay. He's like, no, I'm going, I'm going to be there. And to have him there and celebrating the book and talking about the book and talking like an old friend. Another thing, I went back and you'll see, well, you wouldn't know, but it's in the acknowledgements. There's three of my teachers that I had when I was a kid. And there's one teacher, her name is Mary Albanese. She taught me in sixth grade and seventh grade. And she just had such an impact on my reading and my learning and my writing. And I hadn't talked to her forever. And I found her phone, which I thought was her phone number, because I couldn't find her email. And I sent her a text. I go, I don't know if this is Mary Albanese who taught at the school I went to. This is Eddie Ariola. If it is, I'd like to send you a book I wrote and you're in the acknowledgments. And she's like, this is Mary Albin. If this is the Eddie Ariola I'm thinking of, this is the Mary Albin you're thinking of. You made my day. I can't believe it. And we went back and when I sent her the book and And that was, you know, no one saw the smile on my face. No one knew what I was doing. This is the first time I've actually shared this story. And it was between me and this person I hadn't seen or talked to in decades. But I want her to know, like, all books are made possible because of great teachers. So those are some of the other reasons that were just sort of this magic that's in me only because of this book.

Eric Jorgenson: That's incredible. I had forgotten I did it. I did the same thing. My first book, I sent it to my most impactful high school English teacher. That's great. It was the first time I had any indication that I had an ability to string words together. I just so appreciated that. It's not that she was the principal of our school now. So she was a little easier to find.

Eddy Arriola: That's fantastic.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, what a rewarding, rewarding moment. It's so funny that how some people come in with these sort of like grandiose dreams of, you know, a book making them famous and they find that the most rewarding and memorable moments are are humble, you know, they're, they're, you know, a relative's book club with like, you know, 12, 12 ladies are sending the book to their, their teacher or having a meant being seen by a mentor or having like a small friends and family gathering that, that celebrates the book launcher, you know, retirement celebration where they're like giving back to their.

Eddy Arriola: It's great. I got an email, a LinkedIn message from some guy that's like, I just bought your book. You gave me my first job. Well, I was like 26, you know, so it was, you know, almost 30 years ago. You gave my first job and I broke through and now I'm an entrepreneur and that sort of thing. I just saw this on LinkedIn. I ordered your book and just wanted to say thank you.

Eric Jorgenson: I'm like, holy, like, I can't believe it.

Eddy Arriola: And I'm like, I actually remember you and I remember the interview and.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, the little things like that are just so cool. The unexplained good things. Is there anything else that you have your sort of in your vision of like what you what you hope to achieve or have this book help you do over the next year or two?

Eddy Arriola: So, yeah, so I would say, you know, one of the things that I've sort of learned in this process and again, you know, because a scribe and other authors is I think a mistake that maybe many people make is I write this book, And then I'm going to be invited on the Oprah Winfrey show. And I'm going to be a New York Times bestseller. And it's also going to, and not only am I going to be a New York Times bestseller, it's going to stay there forever. And I had very realistic expectations in terms of here are very specific goals. And I'm committing to the process of I'm going to keep you know, on this book for, you know, 100 weeks. It's not just one week, it's 100 weeks. And I'm gonna do a little something every week and I'm gonna come up with a plan. And if it's just out there, you know, little by little by little, I'm gonna stay at it. Cause I love this process. I love being around, talking about books, connecting with people. You know, I've always been an entrepreneur and business person. What do you do? Bank, like my wife's already like, like you're gonna be so obnoxious. Like when we go to Maine in the summer and people are like, oh, what do you do? And I was banking. I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm a writer. I can't wait to do that. So those are the little things that she's gonna laugh and I'm gonna laugh. And then I'm gonna say, oh, would you write? And we're just gonna think that's hilarious that at age 53, I get to change and redefine myself, which is I think the true me.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, and it's so lovely that this has been something that you've nurtured for so long, and you get to finally step into it and really own it in the way that you want. Is there advice that you would offer to people who are in the shoes that you were in two, three years ago? Whenever you felt like this book was sort of germinating and you were still on the fence about whether this was the right time or whether you were to take the leap, I imagine that's a state you lived in for a little while. I'm curious.

Eddy Arriola: So the two things that I would share with people is number one, keep your butt in the seat. That it's a marathon. There's going to be really hard days. There's going to be boring days. And just have some sort of process that you keep your butt in the seat. And I wish when I did that, it was fantastic. And I got through it. And when I didn't, you know, it got delayed and that sort of thing. And so it's, find a way to keep your butt in the seat, whether it's 30 minutes at a time or two days at a time, like figure yourself out. And that'd be one. And the second, this is a very, very lonely job. You know, you can only, you do it by yourself. You sit in a quiet room and you write by hand, you sit in front of a computer, you know, nowadays there's incredible, you know, voice to text options and that sort of thing. But having said that, what I've learned is that Creating a book is a team effort right so you have coaches editors proofreaders you know the publisher publishing manager people that really understand marketing and so. If you want to write a book, you got to write it. But there are people to help you with all the other things. And Scribe had amazing editors that helped me. The right person was there at the right stage. And it was harder because I wasn't aware of it. I didn't know that sort of, you know, Yoda was going to step in and help train me and those sorts of things. But now that I know it, it really is a collaborative effort and it makes sense and they're going to help. One of the great things I love about this model is it's my book, I get to pick the cover, but I have a world-class cover designer who's going to talk to a team of people and get input and have demographic and psychological and marketing research to support it. But again, you put together a heck of a team that helps the author get through this process.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, I always say there's one name on the front of the book and a hundred in the back. Yeah, that's right. As a first time author, it's easy to feel like you have to know everything or do everything. From my first to second book, I was like, I'm not going to stress the grammar at all. Grammar pros are coming for me. I just got to get the words on the page and develop a good relationship with them through editing and iteration. How was it that you you chose Scribe in the in the first place? What made you want to pick us in the very complex landscape of options?

Eddy Arriola: Well, I mean, you guys have done really well, you know, Google search and all that other sort of thing. But it was really, you know, recommendations from friends that had worked with Scribe. And it wasn't like, oh, you should consider like, why is this a conversation? You call, you know, call these guys based on everything you've said. You're going to have you're going to really like the process. You're going to really like the people. This is a no brainer. You know, I never heard like, oh, here are two or three names or here are the other companies I considered. And then once the book came out, a couple of friends reached out like, oh, you did work with them. And as we've talked about before, I've referred people to Scribe and they're like, they're great. And we're very happy. And a couple of people have already hit their publish dates. And it's just been a great process. like the team. And that's why I, you know, I didn't have to, you know, I didn't have to acknowledge them in the back of the book, but they're there, their names are there. And they were very grateful that they were, you know, they all reach out and like, why'd you do that? That's great. So I really feel that they were very much a part of this book.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah. For the authors considering their acknowledgement section, it really does go a long way with people at any point in your life. It's a really cool way to kind of memorialize the contributions and appreciation that you have for people.

Eddy Arriola: So I was, prior to this podcast, I was a client of mine, a friend, bought copies for the entire, for all his employees. I wanted him to speak at a breakfast this morning and spoke and that sort of thing. And he shared that he hadn't read the book yet. And I'm like, ah, and he's like, wait, he goes, wait, maybe I should read it. Because maybe I'm in the book. I go, you are in the book. You're in the acknowledgments. And he's like, what? And I turned to the back and I showed his name. He almost started crying. And he's like, I can't believe it. I go, well, no. Like, I really appreciate our friendship. And his book is called All About Relationships. And he couldn't believe it. And it was this first name, last name in the back of the book. And it meant so much to him. And I know others. who I've included and coupled with very brief stories. It'll carry our relationship for decades more and I know that means the world to them.

Eric Jorgenson: Yeah, this has been a great conversation. Thank you, Eddie. Thank you for writing this book. We're honored to play a part in having helped to get this out of you and out into the world and be a part of your author arc, your writer identity. This is a fantastic look on you.

Eddy Arriola: Thank you. I so enjoyed working with Scribe and I look forward to the next book and working with you guys on that.

Eric Jorgenson: Where would you send people to learn more about you? Follow along, see what's up with the book.

Eddy Arriola: Well, so first you can go to amazon.com and order the book. It's all about relationships, Eddie Arreola. And please leave a review, which one thing I've learned is how important reviews are and how we all neglect to leave reviews even for books we love. And I'm also pretty active on LinkedIn and it's Eddie, E-D-D-Y, last name's Arreola, A-R-R-I-O-L-A. And those are the best ways to reach me.

Eric Jorgenson: Love it. Thank you Eddie for taking the time to express yourself on paper and on the podcast. Thank you so much. Appreciate you.