Showing Up Is Nothing: Lessons From My Father on Discipline

The following is adapted from Civilized Savage by Chris Paradiso.

“Just showing up is half the battle.” I hate that quote. Showing up isn’t half the battle. Showing up is nothing.

As a kid at St. Edward School, I played basketball against our arch-rival, Stafford Middle School, every year. One game stands out because of what happened afterward.

It was one of the very few games my father ever missed. We were down by one with seconds left when I drove to the basket, got fouled, and went to the line for a one-and-one. Free throws were supposed to be automatic for me. My dad and I had spent endless hours in the gym. As he liked to say, “A free throw is free. Nobody’s guarding you.”

I made the first to tie the game. Then I missed the second.

We won in overtime, and I scored forty-nine points. None of that mattered to my father. When I got home, he said, “Let’s go for a ride.” I hoped we were heading to McDonald’s. He drove right past it.

“Dad, we won the game,” I told him.

“But what if you lost?”

He wasn’t focused on the scoreboard. He was focused on preparation. Earlier that week, I had skipped Saturday practice to play our new Atari and watch college basketball. My father always said, “Watching basketball doesn’t make you better. Practicing basketball makes you better.”

So he drove me straight back to the gym, and we shot about a hundred free throws. No speeches, just repetition. Only then did we go to McDonald’s.

“Preparation is everything,” he told me. “That day you skipped practice might’ve been the reason you missed that free throw when it mattered most.”

He was teaching me that winning can hide bad habits, and eventually those habits catch up with you. Some people might call him harsh. The older I get, the more I understand he believed discipline was a form of love.

Don’t Be a Banger

My father had a phrase he repeated constantly, delivered in his thick Worcester accent: “Don’t be a banger.” A banger was somebody who started things but didn’t finish them, who cut corners and looked for the easy way out.

I learned that lesson the hard way at twenty-eight. I rented a twenty-six-foot U-Haul to haul furniture to our beach house and rushed through everything, cutting through Willimantic, Connecticut. I never thought about the truck’s height. The roof hit an underpass and peeled back like a can of sardines. The damage cost over six thousand dollars, and my cousin’s fifteen-year-old son was thrown into the windshield. Thank God he wasn’t seriously hurt.

When I called my father, he said, “I told you not to be a banger.”

Shortcuts feel like they save time until they cost you money, stress, or somebody’s safety. The real test of character comes after the excitement wears off, when nobody’s watching. So don’t just show up and half-ass it. Set a high standard in everything you do.

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For more advice on building discipline and character, you can find Civilized Savage on Amazon.

Entrepreneur, insurance industry leader, investor, and advocate for leadership and community, Chris Paradiso is the founder of Paradiso Insurance, a nationally recognized independent insurance agency. A partner of Oakridge Dairy and owner of Schofield Springs, he also leads Paradiso Presents, helping insurance professionals grow through leadership, marketing, mentorship, and innovation. Chris is the founder of mastermind “57 Lions No Sheep” and a member of The Greenwich Group. He serves on many boards, including Adelbrook, the Padre Pio Foundation of America, Building Homes for Heroes, the Stafford Board of Education, the Wall of Honor, and Rough Notes, and has coached and volunteered at the Special Olympics.