Forget "Just Get Through It": What to Actually Do When You Bring Your Baby Home

The following is adapted from Bitches, I’ve Arrived by Adriana Bachmann.

The car ride home from the hospital feels surreal. After months of anticipation, labor, and hours of paperwork, you are finally bringing your baby home. Somewhere on that drive it hits you: there are no nurses to call, no doctor doing rounds, and no helpful button to press when you are unsure. It's just you, your partner if you have one, and this miraculous, tiny human who depends on you for absolutely everything.

Take a deep breath. The overwhelming feeling is completely normal. Then pull yourself together. No matter how you feel, you have no choice but to get the job done. That is what parents do.

Here's the problem: no seasoned parent ever tells you what to do when you get home from the hospital except "get through it" like everyone else did. That isn't helpful or informative in the slightest. These parents act like they made it through some battle, and it's a rite of passage for new parents to do the same. We are talking about taking care of a newborn baby, not going to war. My method is the complete opposite of "get through it." You deserve to know that your baby is eating and sleeping because you are doing things right, not due to sheer luck.

Eating and sleeping are the most important things a baby does in the first days and weeks of life. Think of a baby's weight like an airplane taking off. When the plane leaves the ground, the top priority is to keep gaining altitude. Many parents don't know this, but babies tend to get home from the hospital and immediately lose weight. That is like a plane getting off the ground and losing altitude.

Hospital staff will often caution you about overfeeding, but underfeeding out of fear can do more harm than good. Here's what to do instead. The morning after you get home, take off your baby's clothes and weigh them, because weight dictates feeding volume. Multiply your baby's weight in pounds by 2.5 to determine the number of ounces of breast milk they should eat in a 24-hour period. A 7-pound baby needs about 17.5 ounces per day. Formula is richer in nutrients, so that same baby would only need about 15 ounces.

Rather than rushed feedings every two or three hours, I recommend fewer feedings with a complete, satisfying meal at each one: roughly 3 ounces every 4 hours across six daily feedings. A full feeding takes at least an hour when done correctly, including burping and a diaper change. Then your baby rests for three hours, and so do you. Quality over quantity keeps you both off the exhausting two-hour treadmill, and it lays the groundwork for sleeping through the night within a handful of weeks.

Bringing your baby home shouldn't fill you with dread. I've done this thousands of times, and there is no reason you can't succeed too.

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For more advice on caring for your newborn during those first weeks at home, check out Bitches, I’ve Arrived on Amazon.

Adriana Bachmann is a mother of three and a newborn specialist who has helped thousands of babies grow and thrive. Adriana worked as a nanny until the birth of her youngest child, Patrik. For the last twenty-two years, she has worked all over the world with a team of newborn specialists as one of the preeminent self-trained experts on babies. Her love of babies and endless drive to help them has launched the Jaja Method that is changing how parents raise their children.