You Don't Have to Be Superwoman

The following is adapted from Full Flight by Monifa McKnight.

Somewhere along the way, I bought into the idea that I had to be Superwoman. She's like Superman with ovaries. She saves the world, solves every problem, and does it all under a veil of self-sacrifice, always putting others first and saying yes when everything in her wants to scream no. As a Black woman, I felt I had to prove myself in a way that was neither attainable nor sustainable, wearing every hat at once as a parent, caretaker, wife, and career professional. It took a toll on my mental, emotional, and physical health.

I kept telling myself that I'd worked too hard to get where I was, so I couldn't afford to show vulnerability. When I reached powerful positions, I pushed past every reasonable limit because I wanted to prove I could do what men did, and then some. That's the trap. Here's how I learned to climb out of it by making myself a priority.

First, I had to show people how I wanted to be treated. As women leaders, we set boundaries that make our expectations clear. People often assume Black women can endure anything, because historically we have, but that doesn't mean we should tolerate disrespect from others or from ourselves. I learned this the hard way. During a three-hour, high-stakes meeting, I was dehydrated and thirsty, yet I refused to drink water or step out to use the restroom. I didn't want to look weak. By not standing up for myself, I taught everyone in that room to overlook me too. Two weeks later, I was in the hospital. Every interaction sets a standard, so treat yourself with respect and others will follow.

Second, I had to set boundaries. As superintendent, I was the consummate multitasker. I ate at my desk while sending emails, sitting on Zoom, and taking calls. I worked fourteen-hour days and gave up my weekends. Work had become my entire life. Boundaries are a form of self-care: taking time off to see a doctor, staying home when you're sick, saying no to a work event when your family needs you. Drawing that line is how you work at your best and avoid burnout.

Third, I had to delegate. No one does it all alone. Even Superman leaned on the Justice League. Sometimes we resist delegating because we don't trust anyone to do the job as well as we would, and that keeps us trapped. But delegation frees you to focus on big-picture priorities, keeps you productive without micromanaging, and helps your team grow. When I handed my team ownership of a new accountability system, I stayed connected through regular check-ins while they made it their own. It was a win for all of us.

The truth is, Superwoman is a myth. By teaching people how to treat you, setting boundaries, and delegating, you reclaim your real power as a leader.

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For more advice on finding a healthy work-life balance as a woman in leadership, you can find Full Flight on Amazon.

Dr. Monifa McKnight is a nationally recognized educator and leader. With more than twenty-five years of experience, she has served as a teacher, principal, district administrator, and most notably, the first woman superintendent of Montgomery County Public Schools—the fourteenth largest district in the nation. She now serves as Founder and President of McKnight Lotus Leadership Group and as a Superintendent Fellow at the University of Maryland’s Center for Educational Innovation and Improvement, where she continues to shape the next generation of educational leaders. Outside of her professional roles, she is a devoted wife and mother.