Adam Lamb: Better Than the Binge

Transcript

[0:00:15] Charlie Hoehn: You’re listening to Author Hour, enlightening conversations about books with the authors who wrote them. I’m Charlie Hoehn. Today’s episode is with Adam Lamb, author of Better Than the Binge. What’s the number one way to raise your game? What is the easiest way for you to become a better version of yourself, both personally and professionally? Adam believes it’s eliminating alcohol. Adam quit drinking a year ago and he says that he’s never been happier, healthier or more successful. What would happen if we didn’t feel the pressure to drink and how do we stop without feeling like social outcasts? If you’ve ever felt obligated to drink at parties, sports events or after work gatherings, then this episode is for you. Now, here is our conversation with Adam Lamb.

[0:01:23] Adam Lamb: My father always had a drinking problem. I grew up in a household with that, it led to the divorce of my parents and eventually, my step mom entered him into a rehab facility. He was in for like 30 days. After their bringing him out through that process, they realized that he couldn’t be rehabilitated. It was something I never heard of before because he actually drink so much that it destroyed the frontal lobe of his brain, so his comprehension was off, it didn’t really exist anymore. So it’s almost like he was permanently intoxicated.

[0:02:00] Charlie Hoehn: I’ve never heard of that Adam, sorry to interrupt you, but I’ve never heard of that happening. How much alcohol is that a day to get to that point?

[0:02:10] Adam Lamb: I think it was not so much how much every – he would probably drink almost a case of beer a day but it was every day. Hanging out in the garage, not doing anything, not challenging his brain and you know, my step ma who kind of gave up like that’s just – she accepted him as that for so long. That she just was used to seeing him like intoxicated all the time. Finally when she just had enough and took him to rehab, that’s when they discovered like, “We can’t fix that.” That was like the first time for me with alcohol where I was like, you can permanently wreck yourself. He’s 60 years old, a long life ahead of him, you know what I mean? Iplan to live a long time, I think he’s 60 like, that’s not the end. It really hit home and made me think about my alcohol habits. I’ve always been in the nightclub in the street, or I was in my 20’s and you know, alcohol has always been a part of my social atmosphere. Really came front page to me and made me think about it and that’s why I told myself, you know, I was like, “Maybe I should quit drinking,” and I thought, “How do I do that? How do I just say hey, I stopped?” Because, the only people I knew at that time that quit drinking were people that have like killed someone in a car accident, they’ve got three DUI’s. They lost their job, their family, everything. I was like, that’s not me but I don’t want that to be me, you know what I mean? I figured, like why not – how does it serve me? I really spent a decent amount of time thinking like what are the benefits of alcohol? For me, there weren’t any. It almost was simple but at that time, still, I wasn’t ready to quit even though I start thinking about it. It took me a year from after he died just to make the decision –“I’m going to quit drinking on this day, no matter what.” In doing so, I had to think through a process and that’s what my book goes into is because it’s hard to just do it without creating a ton of discomfort for the individual and those around you.

[0:04:28] Charlie Hoehn: What do you mean by that?

[0:04:30] Adam Lamb: Well, if I’d said, if you and I are friends and you know, we hang out, we have a couple of beers, we watch a game or we have dinner and have a couple of drinks and then we get together and all of a sudden I order a Diet Coke. “Why aren’t you drinking?” And it’s like, “I quit.” “Why? What happened?” It’s the first thing that anyone asks me, even like some of my friends who have gone through AA and things like that or have quit drinking. “What happened?” I was like, “Nothing really happened. I mean, my father passed away.” But you know, I’m an adult. I see him every once every couple of years. It’s not like he was a major fixture of my life by any means but I think of my family, my career, my goals and things like that and alcohol didn’t fit in. I wanted to quit it but it’s hard to if you and I are sitting at a table and you order a martini and I order a Diet Coke. You’re like, “I quit because it just doesn’t serve me.” It doesn’t make sense and you kind of – it might make you feel uncomfortable, right? Where you're like – this guy –

[0:05:28] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, because one person feels now that potentially they’re being judged.

[0:05:35] Adam Lamb: Correct.

[0:05:35] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, I’ve noticed a similar dynamic with people who choose to be vegetarians or vegans, they sort of.

[0:05:43] Adam Lamb: Same thing.

[0:05:44] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, they sort of have to become people who talk about it a lot and talk about the benefits because they’ve gotten so used to defending themselves against other people who eat pretty much everything and are wondering if they think they’re better than them.

[0:06:00] Adam Lamb: It’s funny you mentioned that, one of my best friends growing up, since first grade, he actually works for PETA, he’s vegan, he’s an advocate. I mean, he’s out there with the signs, doing the stuff. He’s hardcore. He’s also somebody who drinks heavily and he’s reached out to me a couple of times like man, “You know, I’m thinking of quitting drinking.” I told myself, “Dude, it’s the same thing as you quitting, you know, going vegan.” It’s very similar. It’s a choice you make that you believe is a healthier choice for you and whether other people do it or not, you know, you’re not making them feel guilty you know. If I’m sitting with him and I want to eat, I’m not going to order a steak maybe, I might feel self-conscious just like that – like you might feel self-conscious to order a drink around me but the goal is to create the atmosphere, that level of comfort of “Hey, it’s okay.” It’s okay for you to order your drink, it’s okay for – I mean, I have plans with some folks in Vegas at a conference where I schedule a meeting for drinks because I know these people drink and then are like, “You don’t even drink.” But I’m like, “Yeah but I want to spend time with you,” and that’s fine. It’s still okay. In the book, it really uncovers like the “how to” of doing that process, creating that comfort for others and yourself and like a real roadmap. I kind of lived it and learned it through that process when I decided to quit drinking myself.

[0:07:19] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, before we talk about how to help others be comfortable with maybe different lifestyle choices, like not drinking. Let’s talk about what your normal drinking habits look like beforehand, can you kind of go into hat an average week might look like?

[0:07:38] Adam Lamb: Yeah, I think I could even take it back a little bit deeper because part of the book that goes after kind of two demographics. One would be that later part of life like where I’m at now and that early part of life.

[0:07:51] Charlie Hoehn: Right, like 21, or 18 to 21.

[0:07:55] Adam Lamb: We’re like, that’s what you do, you tailgate, you like concerts and vacations and you go on spring break and you're just – that’s what you do, it’s not weird to pound beers all day long on a beach somewhere during spring break in college, right? But those habits that you create there with that social group, the problem is too often, it’ continues. So now you’re 40, you’re going to college tailgate or something with your buddies and you’re still doing it. You’re in that atmospheres, so your brain gets into like, “This is what we got to do, drink, drink, drink, drink.” You know, the binge drinking. And that’s part of the turn of the book. I think towards the end for me. I was a daily drinker so I would have a vodka or two, probably almost every night. Even that last year, moving up to when I decided to quit drinking. I looked back and I was like, “When’s the last day I didn’t have a drink?” Where I wasn’t going out and getting hammered every weekend or it wasn’t – nothing like that blackout drink or anything like that. It was just like, I look back and I was like, “I don’t remember the last day, I didn’t not have a glass of wine or a mojito on the rocks.” That’s why I kind of, the lightbulb was there but got brighter for me to decide to quit and I was like, “That might be an issue,” You know? I think of myself like, I’m pretty busy, I do a lot of work in the evening. Having that couple of drinks probably wasn’t me at my best, you know, you wouldn’t go run a marathon and have a couple of drinks first and try to have the best time, like your best time finish or whatever. It didn’t make sense for me, so I was like, that’s right off the bat, you know, maybe that’s hindering growth in my businesses and things like that. I would say, a daily drinker, one or two drinks, you know, special occasions, probably knock back a few more.

[0:09:51] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah. You know, the craziest thing to me about alcohol is how normal it is as a drug in our society. “Hey, it’s a social lubricant, it makes nights more fun.” That’s kind of how it’s marketed. It’s the single most destructive – like proven by scientist to be the single most destructive drug known to the individual and the communities that individual’s a part of. How did you find the shift that you made? What was the transformation like when you just stopped? How did the first 30 days look?

[0:10:30] Adam Lamb: It’s very interesting and it’s a funny question because for me, that first 30 days, going up to when I decided to quit last August. I was like, “I’m going to quit drinking,” and it was right before labor day. I knew at the time my wife’s aunt, uncle, cousins – we had a bunch of people in the house, we live in a lake. I’d moved since but they would all come up and these are guys like – you know, we’re hanging out drinking beers all day in the boat and it was like something we did. So I knew that was coming and I was like, “I don’t want to stop drinking and be like the buzz kill for everybody like they look forward to this weekend.” So I didn’t want to do it. I knew like after that, I actually just had my one year anniversary I guess from when I quit drinking from that. But after that, I still had a trip to Vegas planned for work, even though I’ve been to Vegas where I’ve flown in at night, stayed for three days, never even seen daylight. You know, clubs, parties, doing all that kind of stuff, fly back out with the red eye and literally never see the daylight in Las Vegas because of you know, I’ll just party, right? My first 30 days, I actually hit a lot of social events. I had a trip with professional football team and hanging out mingling, drinks, food, free flowing, everything. I was like, “This is going to be tough” and so, what I did was, I went kind of back to my father passing away and the anniversary was death and which was also in September which was like my first 30 days. I thought, “That might be a little intense for reason,” right? Okay, we hang out at a party, “Why aren’t you drinking?” “Well, my dad died a year ago from alcohol.” Nobody wants that, right? Kill the whole mood. I said “Hey, you know what? It’s summer, I live in the lake, we drink a lot more out in the boat, we’re doing social stuff, bonfires.” I was like, after labor day, truthfully, like there’s like this detox feeling where you’re like, kids are back in school, the weather’s changing,.I was in Michigan at the time. So it was kind of like, “Yeah, just doing my detox, my post summer detox.” Everybody’s like “I get it.” I’ve always been into health and fitness so anybody alive that is old enough to drink knows that alcohol has got calories in it and doesn’t help you stay fit, you know, be in shape, things like that. That was kind of my reason not to and people got it. Especially the conference I went to, I was in a company and so I was there with health, fitness type stuff so it’s not unusual to not drink in that atmosphere. You know, having that conversation, people are cool. But it was weird when everybody’s ordering wine and things at dinner and I’m like, Diet Coke or grab me a pair of Ale’s or something like that. They still, I get that look but yeah, I stuck with it and even though I was uncomfortable. That was the part I think, is like dealing with that uncomfortable situation helps the next one. It’s like working out, you go to the gym and that first workout, it’s hard, you’re sore for days, you keep going – eventually you don’t really get sore, you actually find enjoyment out of the challenge and that transition kind of occurs over a few months.

[0:13:47] Charlie Hoehn: Adam, would you say the most important concept or teaching from your book is how to make others feel comfortable with you not being a drinker? Or would you say there’s something else that – a few months from now, the people listening to this podcast are going to latch on to one story or one idea from your episode. What would you really want them to take away from it?

[0:14:14] Adam Lamb: What I would want them to take away from it, I think is more for the individual like, it’s okay to drink or to not drink without feeling like an outcast. You don’t have to feel guilty, you don’t have to feel strange, you don’t have to feel weird. Be confident with that decision just like there’s other things you wouldn’t do, like you might not order dessert if others are ordering dessert at dinner. You don’t feel guilty or weird or obligated about it, it’s the same thing.

[0:14:42] Charlie Hoehn: Sure, here’s the thing Adam, we know what to do, we don’t know how to do it, you know? I can tell you numerous instances where I order dessert because other people at the table were ordering dessert and I didn’t want them to feel like they were being, you know, overly indulgent or whatever. I wanted to make them feel at peace and kind of keep the good vibes of the group intact. Teach us how to make others feel comfortable so that we can ultimately feel comfortable with those decisions.

[0:15:19] Adam Lamb: Yeah, I think the book gets really granular with that topic specifically. I think at a high level, it’s primarily about being present. Being in the situation regardless of tailgating your concert, you’re at dinner and not making a big deal about not drinking. I don’t go around talking about not drinking. I don’t talk about it, if someone’s like “Hey, you don’t drink.” “I don’t want to talk to you about it.” If they’re sending me a DM on Facebook or something like that, great man, it’s a cool I’ll to talk to you. But I don’t talk about it. I don’t create that uncomfortable situation for folks and that’s part of it too. I think not to knock our vegan friends but sometimes they talk about it a lot. You know what I mean? We joke with like guys, people started cross fit and like you know –

[0:16:09] Charlie Hoehn: Or Burning Man or certain religions.

[0:16:15] Adam Lamb: Exactly, it’s the same thing. I have some good friends that are really serious about their religion but they don’t talk about it all the time. If they did, it could create that level of discomfort. I think that just not really making it a big deal, you know, sounds like “Hey, grabbing some drinks, you want anything?” Just say “No. I’m good. Come on, you know I don’t drink.” There’s different ways.

[0:16:42] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, you know. I think it’s a very primal, it’s got to be a very primal thing where humans are constantly like – and always aware of an us versus them dynamic and like I was raised to never really talk about politics and I kind of agree with it now. When I was a kid, teenager, I was like “Why? They are important things.” It creates this unnecessary dynamic where you’re looking for reasons to be against somebody, rather than with them. I guess, what I’m really curious about is, how do we get to a place of none judgment with ourselves? Was it really just a matter of repetition like you said? Like going to the gym, you know, after a while you just get used to it and it’s okay, it’s the norm?

[0:17:37] Adam Lamb: That’s part of it and those people that you know, like you’re not making new friends every day. You’re typically hanging out with the same crowd, your family, your close friends. They get used to it too. My own brother was like, “Hey, you guys want to come over to the house, do a barbeque.” And he’s like, “Is it cool if I bring beer?” I said “No, because I got a whole fridge full of it so come drink it, you don’t need to bring any.” He was like – sometimes you have to let people know, it’s not a thing. I just don’t drink alcohol, you know what I mean? Not talking about it but I think, to figure out the best way to make it, like you said that there is an us versus them, is to not talk about it. You know? You and I might have different political views or they might be the same. I just think we shouldn’t talk about it, there’s so many other great things in life to talk about. And to that point, removing alcohol also helped me find like, I was more present with the people I was with or the situation I was in. Whether it was going to a concert and just enjoying like looking around and seeing – all these people kind of dancing and smiling and having fun. I found joy from that, where if I was having a couple of drinks, I would probably be more internally focused, or limited focus if that makes sense? I found myself appreciating everything else more which I think made and makes me better to be around, right? I’m having my drinks and I’m getting a little buzz going and we’re at dinner like, I’m probably not listening to you as well and paying attention to you as well. Where as now, being not drinking. I am, I can be, I’m listening, doing a better job, giving you the best version of me in any situation that I’m in, you know what I mean? Whether it’s after work drinks or it’s at the concert, or it’s at the tailgate – you’re a better version of you and you see that and so it allows you to not – Instead of feeling like, I’m better than you, I’m the better me for you and the book kind of talks about that process and how you discover that. Not only are you waiting by having a higher level confidence and self-worth but you’re also delivering a better version of you to whoever you’re with in that social space.

[0:20:02] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, it’s funny, let’s dive deep into this Adam I remember form our first conversation, you want to know the number one takeaway I had from our first phone call? Was that you said, that it was effectively a performance enhancer to not drink. That it affected your productivity in a significant way, that maybe people just don’t even consider really how much it impacts them on that level. Being as objective as possible, what were some of the benefits, some of the other benefits that you saw after taking X number of days away from alcohol?

[0:20:50] Adam Lamb: That’s great, I can walk through a couple of things because there’s two parts to removing alcohol. There’s the self-part, like I’m not out hanging out and having drinks every night. I’m at home having a couple of drinks with them, hanging out with my kids, my family, sometimes everybody’s asleep and I’m still working, having a couple of drinks. I found myself, A – sharper at solving problems, things just like came to me, this was on a personal level, better, more energy. There’s a fog and I never really understood it, it’s something like you experience, you know, and you’re like, there isn’t really a lot of people you can talk to in this area that is – as regular conversation, you know? I met a couple of people who just decided the same thing, remove alcohol and that was something that we kind of discussed. There is this clarity and I don’t mean like in the AA term of it, there’s like mode of clearance. It’s like, your brain is functioning higher and it scientifically makes sense. You're not hydrating it, you’re not poisoning it with toxic chemicals. Going through this like intoxication, non-intoxication type thing. That was one of the things – obviously, the energy, I get up and go to the gym every morning anyway. But going to the gym and be like “Er…” or going to the gym like fired up. All that stuff, performance is better. I think in like the social situation too. Let’s say, me and you and Tucker and a few other authors that I might look up to are like, “Hey man, we’re all going out for dinner, drinks, would love you to come, right?” Yeah, I’m excited. These are the guys I look up to, some guys, I love their books and stuff. I know now, going into that situation, I’m not going to do, say, anything like inappropriate or stupid, you know, sometimes, alcohol can lead to either acting goofy, acting silly or something like that. And if you are somebody who sometimes that happens, not often, but sometimes that happens. There’s a level – there’s a thing in the back of your head that kills your confidence. It’s like, “Alright, be careful, you’re going into this situation, don’t do something dumb, one drink an hour.” If you’re doing something like that, you’ve got to take a step back and realize, it shouldn’t be that way. Without alcohol, I know that I’m ready to go, anything, there’s no hanging out – you know, I could see the barbeque in my house and like “Hey, we need ice, right?” I’m not like, “How many you had to drink?” I can just go to the store and buy it. Those kind of social things; that you’re removing this fear from your life which people don’t realize. I think until they stop drinking that there is a lot of anxiety and stress that comes on the backside of drinking, outside of the morning-after type thing. More so just like even going into a process of, it creates nervous anxiety which can lead to more drinking, or low confidence, low self-esteem and all that stuff. It doesn’t even exist anymore when you don’t drink, especially once you’ve come to terms with and are confident with being somebody that doesn’t drink.

[0:24:51] Charlie Hoehn: Can you give an example of what you mean by that? Because I’m not sure if I know what specifically you’re referring to?

[0:24:58] Adam Lamb: If you know that you know, sometimes you go out drinking and maybe you get a little too intoxicated, right? It may have been a situation where there is someone you kind of liked, you kind of had the hots for, so to speak.

[0:25:13] Charlie Hoehn: You made a fool of yourself?

[0:25:14] Adam Lamb: Right, exactly. Everybody just about has done it at some point. And those situations aren’t usually once in a lifetime, they usually have been, throughout life, whether it’s meeting somebody who potentially may want to hire you or something like that in a situation. Where you could have made a fool of yourself, maybe you did and then any situation similar to that move, that involves alcohol, there’s a part of you, even if it’s not front of mind but subconscious that is kind of like – makes you hesitant, tense, nervous in those kind of situations. Especially if you’re not a very social person. It carries a burden on you that you don’t realize because you’re so used to that in other social situations. And so when that’s gone, you don’t see it. It’s one of those things that I thought people that are like, “Oh I can’t wait to have kids and you don’t get it until you have kids,” you know what I mean? And then we have kids, you understand what people have said to you and it’s the same thing. You can’t really get it until you’ve crossed that line and been outside of that for a while, does that answer your question?

[0:26:23] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, it does and at this point I’m imagining some people listening might think, “I am not sure if this book is for me or not. You know I drink a couple of times a week maybe just a glass of wine while I’m watching Netflix or having a beer when I’m out after work with some of my coworkers,” or something like that. You know, “I only have two, three drinks a week.” Or maybe somebody is listening, they’re like, “I’m in college, I drink because it is a part of our culture.” Who do you think your book is really for? Is it for everybody or is it for people specifically looking to get an edge?

[0:27:02] Adam Lamb: I think anyone who consumes alcohol on a somewhat regular basis that’s looking to get an edge, this book is for them. Whether it’s young folks who are in college or maybe someone who is moving up in their career and doing those things that want to be better in their life. I think there is too many people that just take life like every day is the same and they come home and yeah, they’ll only have a couple of beers and they watch TV and stuff like that. Sometimes, because I’ve seen it, taking that alcohol out might make you less likely to sit on the couch, less likely to eat the crap you’re eating, less likely to feel lazy and inspire a change in your life. Like I said earlier, my wife she still has a glass of wine or two. A couple two to three nights a week, something like that. It doesn’t bother her but it could be good for her to read the book, to understand her husband better and potentially support someone who might need that. Everybody’s got somebody in their life who they know about that works with the function of their drink, you know what I mean? And so when you can become more empathetic to the thought process and potentially an outlet for that person to be safe, to stop drinking. I have lots of friends that do that, do a drink in a pub. I don’t even know how and that’s what this book is talking about. Helping through the process.

[0:28:23] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, sorry just a quick note Adam, one of my best friends I didn’t know because he’s such a high functioning, high performing individual that he really struggled with addiction. And he came out and told all of us and we were like, “Really? Well yeah, you know we can see some of those situations, yeah that makes sense but wow…” And it was such a long learning curve for me in terms of, not only did I felt hugely disrespectful a lot of the times because I would forget and I would offer him a drink. And then I’d feel bad and I didn’t fully understand everything that he had gone through at the same time. And I wished that I had a resource during that time to help me fully understand what he’d gone through. Then another guy I know, he told me that he went through very, very similar circumstances. He’s in his 50’s and he explaining to me, “You know I still have the emotional development of an 18 year old because that’s when I started and I only stopped a few years ago. So I still feel that I am in high school even though I am in my 50’s.” And with him, again it was like, “I wish I knew how to best support you in these circumstances.” Because like you said, we all have somebody we care about who struggled with this, who’s gone through it and needs to give it up for – whether it’s because it has become hugely problematic for them and their families and friends. Or because they just want to feel better and I think –

[0:30:08] Adam Lamb: And if they know that you don’t have to and it’s uncomfortable that you don’t have to like – I think of one of my best friends who’s high functioning, the guy kills it. Super successful but he’s got a serious problem with drinking. I’ve laid the ground work like, “Hey I quit. Do you want to talk about it?” Whatever, he will call me at Tuesday at noon and he’s like, “Oh man I tore up.” That’s danger at like 40, when you have a really high level career –

[0:30:35] Charlie Hoehn: You have a lot to lose.

[0:30:36] Adam Lamb: What are you doing? A ton to lose and yeah we all have friends like that or family members like that. So I think it is important because even my business partner with my supplement company, he doesn’t drink. He’s a type one diabetic, he knows that drinking could lead to a serious problem for him. He’s never been a drinker. He might hold a beer for three hours to get together to just feel socially part of it and I was talking about it. Obviously we are friends too, as well as business partners, and explaining like the process of drinking, he never got it. And we would talk about friends of ours that we knew mutually that had problems with substance whether it’s drugs or alcohol or something like that. He’s like, “I didn’t realize, I just wasn’t in tune to it.” And when you’re not in tuned to it, it’s hard to create a safe atmosphere for those folks who maybe have that anxiety that leads to the addiction to not have that anxiety because the people around them understand it. So I think the book can really help people, that if your spouse or your best friend is that person that we are talking about who kind of goes out and pairs it up a little too much too often – the book can help you understand a process that could work for them once they are open to it. Realistically, and not to knock AA, because I think it is a great program and I have never into intermediary or anything like that. But I have some friends that have and it worked for them and it’s great. It’s like religion. I don’t care what your religion is, if it makes you treat people good and love and happy, that’s a great religion for you. So a lot of times I think there’s people that want to quit and they’re like, “I am not going to AA meetings. I am not going to do this stuff.” They don’t want to do that. So to them, that’s the only answer and this book says that is not the only outlet. Here is another reason or another way to do it that’s not traditional “alcoholic” or labelling. Like if someone says, “Are you an alcoholic?” No, it’s widely I don’t believe in labeling and stuff like that because it ties into shaming and it just feeds the whole negative part of the process as oppose to saying like, “Yeah I just decided to cut alcohol out of my life.” I feel better about it, healthier, here’s all the benefits, it’s real, I am not selling you anything. If people could realize that and just go, “Oh so I can go that route,” and win with it.

[0:33:12] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, you know I wonder, I truly wonder I don’t see it coming at any point but not so long ago, doctors were endorsing cigarettes. They were smoking in commercials for cigarettes and I wonder if alcohol will ever reach that point, where we really acknowledge in market the fact that, “Hey this isn’t doing us a whole lot of good.”

[0:33:38] Adam Lamb: Charlie I think what you just said, I’m glad to hear it because it’s where I’m betting. So I think and I’m saying I’ll go on a record today alcohol is going to be the next cigarettes, right? You remember – I was thinking about this today, like you remember people smoking on airplanes, like you were cool. I am 37 so I think my parents and everybody smoked. My mother in law who’s like a saint, angel, she smoked at some time in her life only because it was totally cool and accepted. And I think – I mentor young people and I try to stay in tune of what’s hip and cool. It can benefit me from a business standpoint too, just to know like what’s coming, what’s up and where’s everybody’s at, what website and platform has got the kids attention so to speak. And a lot of these kids that are entrepreneur mindset focused on having just an abundant life, they don’t drink. They don’t do that stuff. They’re like, “I don’t want to be one of those wasted bonehead guys.” They don’t want to and I really, really believe that alcohol maybe in like 10 years, will be just like smoking. Like places aren’t going to serve it because that the problem is – the problem not for the establishments and I have worked in the restaurant industry for a long time when I was younger, that’s where you make money. They make money on the alcohol so it’s hard but I think it’s going to be – and drinking isn’t bad. Binge drinking is bad and that’s why the book is called Better than the Binge, right?

[0:35:19] Charlie Hoehn: You are not trying to put vineyards out of business so to speak, yeah.

[0:35:25] Adam Lamb: No, I am just saying don’t drink three bottles of wine at night, you know what I mean. If that’s you, you shouldn’t be doing it and so that’s the part where I want to create that space of like, if you’re probably somebody who probably drinks too much sometimes, you probably should stop drinking. And here’s a way to do it that’s not like going the AA route.

[0:35:47] Charlie Hoehn: It’s going to minimize your discomfort and help you become a better person.

[0:35:52] Adam Lamb: Yeah just trying to, just like whether you’re giving up red meat or you’re stopping eating chocolate, you know what I mean? Whatever it might be, you just want to create that environment of, “You know it’s okay. It’s cool to not drink and here’s a zillion reasons why, pick one that fits you. Do you want to lose weight?”

[0:36:11] Charlie Hoehn: Right, just by the way, a friend of mine would probably see your title and would be like, “Oh thank goodness he’s getting right at people who brag about binging on Game of Thrones.” Or just binging on anything. So Adam let’s talk about people who have used the lessons in your book. What transformations have you seen from people who’ve followed in your footsteps? What are you particularly proud of?

[0:36:43] Adam Lamb: That’s a good question and the thing is it’s always positive and in all situations like any part of growth, there can be some uncomfortable stuff. So I’m going to touch on a few negative things first… but they’re really positive. What I’ve seen in some people is I’ve seen relationships break up. Well guess what? Those weren’t healthy relationships, they were binded by going out and partying all the time and those people that would go out, they would drink. Couples that drink together, they had a fight, they had total dysfunctional relationships, everybody on the outside could look it at and then alcohol is eliminated it’s like, “Oh my God what am I doing to this person?” And so they move on. Now they are in a healthier happier relationship and that’s a whole other topic of what we realize is a healthy relationship or an unhealthy relationship. A lot of times we’re just so used to the day to day thing and that’s part of it with alcohol. You get to see if you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol or a healthy relationship and just like what we are talking about. Like the person that’s you know, like my wife that might have a drink or two, a couple of times a week. Like she has a healthy relationship with alcohol, that’s fine right? She’s not getting hammered like falling and finding her sleeping in the other room. It’s okay but there’s people that have it unhealthy and just recognizing it. So some of the negatives I think is initially there’s some change, right? Some of the people like, “Man, my friends don’t call me anymore.” Those friends probably weren’t your friends. The only time they called you was to go out and drink and the next thing you know it’s Tuesday at two in the morning. You got shit to do. You’ve got to get up in the morning and you’re like, “How do I drive home?” You are rolling the dice and you wouldn’t go do that with those friends. And you’ll find that some of those people, you don’t do it anymore. In the beginning awkward.

[0:38:32] Charlie Hoehn: Thank goodness, yeah because those people are often extremely unreliable and not loyal friends.

[0:38:39] Adam Lamb: Right and they are fuel to your negative fire, right? And so you’ve got to remove the fuel and so you’ll see that. So in the beginning there is some stuff like that and obviously like the social awkwardness in the beginning of like everybody is like, “Oh what are you drinking?” like you walk into a wedding and there’s champagne and you’re like one person that’s got a Diet Coke or something else in your hand. And the other two people are like the drunk alcoholic that was in rehab. Or the 17-year-old kid that’s not allowed to drink. So there’s those things but when you get over that you don’t care. It’s just a life choice. I am doing something different kind of like what we talked about earlier. I think when you’re drinking to someone that is not drinking alcohol, is you are being ahead of the curve of where we are going, is safe to say.

[0:39:24] Charlie Hoehn: I love that and just a quick point, I don’t think it is much of a stretch for anybody. We all have these things that we do that may seem a little unconventional compared to everybody else. It’s what makes us unique. We all can point to a decision in our life where we took the less beaten path. I think what makes alcohol particularly difficult is it’s a tool in a lot of our eyes, that allows us to bond with other people and that’s hard because we’re such primates in that regard. We care so much about being a part of the group that it is hard to think that without that crutch things might come apart.

[0:40:14] Adam Lamb: It’s true and I think when you think of someone who’s gone through an extreme weight loss, there was a day when that person was like, “I’m sick.” And they have their overweight friends that they eat fast food with every day. They hang out in that group and then all of a sudden there is a day when they’re like, “I’m tired of this stuff” and they change. In the beginning you bet your ass it’s hard. You think quitting drinking is hard, get up at 5:00 in the morning and go kill yourself in the gym and then eat total boring food. That your body is addicted to because you have been eating it for so long. Then once you reach a point where that transformation starts paying off, like those discipline deposits they call them, start returning to you and you see the result. You are down 40 pounds, you’re getting looks from people that didn’t look at you before. You are getting all these praise from people and the next thing you know you’re like, “I’ll never touch that crap. I’ll never live that lifestyle again.” But it is hard to get into that habit and with alcohol, the part that I try to explain is that you’re just not doing something, right? I am not asking you to get up at 5:00 in the morning and go on a step no for an hour. I am just telling you to not do something and when you really break it down it’s not that hard. You know what I mean and we talked about the vegan thing earlier, where I used to be a national body builder. I was used to eating meat six times a day. It’s meat-meat-meat. So for me to think of giving up meat – and I was explaining this to my friend – that seems harder than alcohol because I’m like, “What do I eat? Salads and carrots?” I don’t want to. But it becomes like, that’s more of how do I change that lifestyle? So with alcohol when you think about it, you’re just removing something.

[0:41:58] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, I love your phase discipline deposits and it made me think of money. When people first start investing. If it’s just an extra $25 a week that seems like a painful thing at first because you’re like, “Oh I’m a broke kid in his 20’s. I don’t have the money to do that.” Well you are going to do that anyway all throughout the rest of your life setting aside money for taxes. So just practice paying yourself first and just say that money is gone. And like you said, overtime you notice this huge gains that you get without really thinking about it. It just became an automatic behavior that slowly but surely adds up into something very significant and meaning that you just don’t see right away. So having that long term view and that patience, to let the reward sort of build I think is a really good way of putting it.

[0:42:58] Adam Lamb: And then use that term like discipline deposits in many places because discipline is really – this is on topic but off topic a little bit. But discipline is really the key to happiness because through discipline you know what you really want, right? And so when you can exercise those disciplines consistently, whether it’s just little stuff like waking up, making your bed, putting your clothes in the hamper or hanging your coat back up, not throwing your stuff on the floor. Your body, people don’t realize it, but you feel better when you do disciplined things. When you know if you are somebody who sometimes drinks too much. You know like I was talking about earlier, with that down feeling of like you know you are going into a situation. You shouldn’t be out drinking, you know you are going to drink too much, you know you’re going to feel like crap the next day, you know you’re not going to function as high. So you are ignoring all of those potential discipline deposits and you feel “broke” because of it but when you do say like, “Nah, I’m not going to drink.” One of my buddies I went out with probably six months ago, maybe more than that, a friend of mine who had one of these guy’s drinking buddy – the whole like all the guys there were old drinking pals. We got together and just drank regardless of what we are doing. He had a diaper party, he was having a baby and these guys, the youngest guy’s maybe 35. Up to like late 40’s and these guys were pounding drinks we are hanging out in the garage of a nice house. We were just hanging out in the garage, they started playing beer pong and they got a Michigan football game on there something like that and I was like, “What the hell are we doing? Let’s go grab a nice dinner or something. We could afford it dude.” But that’s what they wanted to do and I was like, “Yeah whatever. I haven’t seen these guys and I want to hangout.” Just whatever, I was drinking water just not really drinking. You don’t have to drink something or you don’t need a drink in your hand. But the next day, it was funny because there was a group text going back around. Everybody felt like death, everybody is hung over and I’m like, “I just left the gym,” you know what I mean? So I didn’t have that because of the discipline the negative side of it. So I think it comes full circle with the behavior of not drinking.

[0:45:20] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, so let’s give the listeners a challenge Adam. What would you say is the best short-term challenge they can give a shot related to your book? What would you tell them to give a shot and then how do they get in touch with you to let you know when they’ve completed the challenge what their results are?

[0:45:42] Adam Lamb: That’s actually a great thing and what I do with some friends of mine or other people that reach out to me since I’ve been working on this. I tell them, if you’re a little that, they will come to me and say like, “You know I don’t have a drinking problem. Alcohol is not a big deal.” I tell them, “Cool go 30 days just no alcohol for 30 days.” And it’s amazing the amount of awareness that comes from that exercise. Most people are like, “Dude it was hard.” And primarily it was hard not because there’s an addiction or a problem or a need for it in their life but they get to a social setting where they would usually have a drink and that can be the hardest part. That’s why part of the book, Better than the Binge, the subtitle is “Overcoming The Social Obligation of Alcohol” and because that’s the part where we fall victim is when we get in those comfortable settings. So I would say give yourself, just try it take 30 days. Say 30 days, pick a day. Maybe it’s, “Hey I got a wedding next weekend I don’t want to start” it’s cool then start the next Monday. But pick 30 days, stick to it and then send me an email and tell me what you noticed about yourself. Tell me if you were in an uncomfortable situation how you circumvented it. Or maybe you got into a comfortable situation and you fell victim to it and you ended up having a drink. You didn’t stick your guns, which is okay but yeah, email me. adam@betterthanthebinge.com and tell me your story. I want to hear about that. I want to hear your success or your attempt and see where I can offer some value and then potentially direct you to some stuff from the book that would help.

[0:47:26] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, I want to hear those, the results from those challenges too. So Adam forward to me any that you might get or any people who try to challenge. I’m really interested to hear and if you are listening and you enjoyed this podcast, let Adam know. Send him a line, thank him for being on the show. Adam this was great, thank you so much for sharing.

[0:47:49] Adam Lamb: Yeah, I appreciate that you having me on here and if anyone also has found that the content here was helpful and would like to have me come out and speak to a group or something like that, I’m also available for doing that and you can reach me.

[0:48:04] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, so what kind of groups are ideal for you to speak to?

[0:48:09] Adam Lamb: So I’ve had interest from companies that primarily employ young right out college groups of younger people, I would say is some of it. I also had some more smaller groups where we’re just talking about like awareness and really that’s one of the things that I do with that 30-day challenge that we just talked about in the book, is just that level of awareness. Like try 30 days and if you can’t do 30 days, think about it. Because if you’ve never tried to go 30 days without drinking alcohol, you might live in this false reality of where you are from an awareness standpoint of yourself and alcohol, being in social situations. You’ll find that difference of comfort, how to circumvent it and it all ends up being positive. So it just depends. I mean recovery groups I’ve been asked to come in and do that as well. So anybody that thinks that the message could be helpful. I would love to help out. That’s why I wrote this book.

[0:49:12] Charlie Hoehn: Perfect. That is adam@betterthanthebinge.com, thank you again so much Adam.

[0:49:20] Adam Lamb: Thanks so much for having me, I appreciate it Charlie.

[0:49:23] Charlie Hoehn: Many thanks to Adam Lamb for being on the show. You can buy his book, Better than the Binge on amazon.com. Thanks again for listening to Author Hour, enlightening conversations about books with the authors who wrote them. We’ll see you next time.