Barbara BJ Shonk: The Missing Pieces, Broken Heart

Transcript

[0:00:32] Charlie Hoehn: You’re listening to Author Hour, enlightening conversations about books with the authors who wrote them. I’m Charlie Hoehn. Today’s episode is with BJ Shonk, author of The Missing Pieces, Broken Heart. Have you ever felt the pain of losing a pet? Have you been heartbroken over losing your dog? Your cat? Or any pet that brightened your life for years. If so, this episode is for you. BJ has been there herself and in this conversation, she’ll guide you through the grieving process after the death, disappearance or impending loss of your beloved pet. By the end of this episode, you’ll know how to say your final goodbyes. How to preserve your best memories and get through the grief to recovery. Now, here is our conversation with BJ Shonk.

[0:01:38] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well we’d had Wookie in our family for 16 and a half years, which is basically about a quarter of my life. She was just the fluffy kid, the fluffy companion, fluffy family member and we’d had her for a long time. We went on a vacation, she was home with one of our sons, Will. He was tending her, we get a phone call that says, “Mom, I hate to tell you this but Wookie went into seizure, she’s okay now.” John, his twin brother was coming over with his wife, they were going to stay with her because Will had to work. We were on route home and I mean, this drive home, getting this news, I don’t know how to describe it, it was absolutely devastating and of course you know, when your pets are getting older, you’re not going to have them forever, you kind of block that out like you are but you know, you aren’t. We finally did get home, she had no recognition of us whatsoever. I saw her walking around the grass, teetering and tottering and so we took her to the vet, my son to just have her checked out and on the way over, she had her third seizure. She was on my lap and it was horrendous.

[0:02:56] Charlie Hoehn: It’s horrifying to see a dog have a seizure.

[0:02:59] Barbara BJ Shonk: Right on my lap, I mean, my heart was just breaking and crumbling even more. Then we got over, met the vet, this was not our normal family vet, had never met her because our clinic had another emergency, we went to her secondary clinic and we met Dr. Quinlivan the first time. She’s looking at her and evaluating her and you know what the news is going to be. I mean, three seizures in a matter of less than 24 hours, it’s not good news for a 16 and a half year old dog. You know, money’s not an object, we can run test, we can do this, what can we do? Then I listened to myself and I thought, “Calm down Barb, take it easy, get a deep breath and I looked right in her face and I said, Dr. Quinlivan, doc, if this were your dog, what would you do?” She kind of paused and she said, “I would let her go.” She said, “I will do everything you want, I can run any test, we can do everything but she’s been through a lot and what’s ever going on, we may not actually be able to pinpoint it.” She said, “It’s time in my opinion to let her go.” She says, “You know what? Your husband’s not here, take her home, be with her, talk to your husband, watch how she progresses, call if there’s an emergency if you need me, we’re here.” You know, “I think this is probably the best decision.” Of course, you never want to hear that. My son and I were walking out to the car, we no sooner got out the door and she went into a fourth seizure. I had kind of told myself in the back of my mind that if that happened, it was time to let her go. I walked back in, handed her to the staff, told her what had happened and I said, we’re going to proceed. There at that point, we called my husband, it took him about 20 minutes to get there. During that time, my son and I just took turns holding her and just hearts breaking, tears flowing, just one of the most heart wrenching moments in my whole life and then my husband came, same thing, he got to hold her, spend time with her with Dr. Quinlivan. We went back in and it was cute because it was a mirror image of myself all over again. My husband says, “Doc, money’s not an issue, it’s not a problem, what test can we run? What can we do?” Then he got his composure. He’s a big guy. He kind of brought his hands down to his side, took a deep breath, looked at Dr. Quinlivan and said, “Doc, if this was your dog, what would you do?” Of course I knew the answer. She reiterated and restated the same thing she did to me, it was time to let her go. She explained the process, what euthanasia was all about, what we could expect and what was really interesting, we were standing there with her. She took the time to cuddle and caress and stroke Wookie. She had never met Wookie before but by her gentleness and kindness to Wookie, who was totally sedated. It just calmed our hearts and you just stand there and you know, she says “It’s going to be quick, it’s not going to be very long.” “The medication will make the heart stop and then she’ll go peacefully.” You’re just there and you know in a matter of seconds, this little creature that has added so much joy and fun to your life, for your kids and your grandkids and your neighbors, been there unconditionally to love you. Loving you every minute of the day for 16 and a half years and you have to let him go. We did. I had talked with the staff about end of life decisions which you have decisions to make. Are you going to take the dog home, are you going to bury him on your property and what does that entail? Are you going to get an urn, are you going to get him cremated? These are all things that you have to go through when you’re very emotional and it’s very difficult. One of the things I might add is as we had this wonderful trip, this vacation visiting family in Colorado. Then we get a phone call about the dog and everything just went downhill from there. To make those end of life decisions is very hard but not only is that hard, the 20 minute drive back home was – seemed like hours in misery. Then we walked through the laundry room and there’s your kennel and her bowl and her blanket and her tennis ball. To walk through there, the thing I knew immediately is that I couldn’t look at those things. I quickly kind of got them out of site and we tried to progress and it’s kind of like you’re doped up. You don ‘t know what to feel, you don’t know what to do, you’re totally miserable and so with this process of the euthanasia, it was myself, my husband and our son Will, who was living with us at the time. There were the three of us, myself, my husband and our son Will who was finishing his degree and living with us and Wookie was absolutely one of his best friends in the world, where Will went, Wookie went. Every place. They’re guys, big guys and I mean, we had already all three of us shed buckets full of tears and you don’t know what to do, you don’t know where to go, you don’t know what you’re feeling or how you’re supposed to feel and I guess, I’ve lost a lot of people that I love, family members and things like that and it’s devastating and it’s hard. But I think in our society today, that pets loss is just not accepted or totally understood by a lot of people. We kind of got through that day and the next day, we went to church and I knew that totally it was useless for me to wear makeup because it would end up all over the place. I looked and felt terrible. Obviously, people saw I was miserable and they come up and they – “Hey Barb, BJ, you don’t look very good, what’s wrong?” I’ll say, “Well, you know, we lost our puppy and we had her for 16 and a half years,” and a few people come up and pat you on the back or I’ve you a hug and say, “I’m sorry to hear that.” One person said to me, he said, “You know, you’re lucky that it was just a pet.” The thought that goes through your mind when somebody says to you “It was just a pet,” it’s like, you don’t have a clue, this wasn’t just a pet, this was part of my family. It makes you so angry that your feelings are not validated by others.

[0:10:51] Charlie Hoehn: Right, all they see is that this was another or whatever or it was somehow less but it doesn’t acknowledge how you actually felt.

[0:11:01] Barbara BJ Shonk: Not even close. I’ve lost pets before and a lot of these stories which are very different than the story of Wookie in the book.

[0:11:09] Charlie Hoehn: Not to side track us but why did you decide to write the book after Wookie and not the other pets?

[0:11:15] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well, first of all, most of those were when I was a kid. I was very young but when we went through this with Wookie, trying to f unction and get along, it was so hard, it’s just you’re just living through this grief and misery. You know, I went on the internet and I looked at a lot of books and I read the book reviews and different things like that. Okay, which book is right for me, which one should I take? What it shows you if you go out there and look for books, there’s lots of books relating to grief and pet loss. Obviously, I’m not the only person in the world feeling it and I applaud everybody who has taken the time to try to do this to help others. As I was reading and doing research, I wasn’t quite finding what I was looking for. Because what I was looking for was a little bit unique and different, in that I wanted to understand the journey that other pet owners have taken while at the same time, I wanted to companion and partner that with the expertise and medical advice and information that veterinarians and their staff would have. That’s what I was thinking about. Interesting little thing went back, we had Wookie cremated and we have this little sweet box on and it says, it’s engraved with a little silver thing on it that says, “Our puppy girl, Wookie.” When I went to pick that up, Dr. Quinlivan was there and I said to her, I said, “Dr. Quinlivan, you got a moment that we could talk?” She says, absolutely. We went and we talked outside her building and we ended up talking for quite a few moments and I said, “You know? This is really hard.” I said, “I’ve lost pets but I’ve never felt like I do now.” I told her, I said “I have a business and journalistic background so you know, I’m really thinking that there needs to be a book out there for this. Something that can immediately help people that are getting ready to navigate this difficult journey and how to get through it.” I just went on to tell her my feelings. She went into her pocket, handed me her card and said, “When you’re ready to write the book, come back and talk to me.” I hung on into her card and I did. After a year’s time, I got back with her and that’s been the journey. In fact, we lost Wookie on October 31st 2015. We’re coming on two years actually this Halloween. That was kind of the beginning of it and I had kept a journal. I had documented the experience, I kept the journal for about a year. Then we collaborated with veterinarians across the country, one out on the east coast, one in the west coast and two in the Texas area, who have just been fabulous in helping in the journey of writing this book. So it applies to not only pet owners who have had the loss but as a tool for veterinarians to use for themselves, with their staff, it’s actually a big idea behind it is when the loss occurs, whatever the loss. And loss is very encompassing. I mean, your dog could get hit by a car, your dog could run away, your dog could simply pass away of old age. Anytime that you lose a pet, a loss is a loss. That’s what it applies to. Just proceeded with the book, we went to veterinary conferences, we read lots of literature, we had the vets involved in the editing, Dr. Quinlivan, actually was there right along with us and she proofed, she edited, she offered her expertise and advice along with three other veterinarians.

[0:15:23] Charlie Hoehn: Let’s talk about the book, let’s talk about what’s actually in the book, what do you think is the – if people listening to this six months from now, after they’ve listened to it, if you wanted them to take away one central idea or one story from the book? What would you pick?

[0:15:43] Barbara BJ Shonk: I just think for them to identify and be able to grasp that loss is loss and there’s a lot of stories about that. I mean, you’ve heard my stories but there’s a million other stories and we have documented a lot of different kinds of stories about loss. One of the things I want people to know is that a lot of times their feelings are not going to get validated. It is painful and it can be painful beyond measure and your heart feels like it’s shattering. If you feel like you have a tool, if you have a resource to understand the journey, it makes all the difference in the world.

[0:16:23] Charlie Hoehn: Right. With you, it was journaling? That helped validate your feelings and understand what you were going through, right?

[0:16:31] Barbara BJ Shonk: I did, I wrote them down, number one, I like to write but it doesn’t matter if you do like to write or you don’t like to write. When you kind of have that pen in the hand, it’s a release. I wrote it and I actually went back later, I tried to read it at certain point, little sections, it was very painful, it’s like it brought it all back but I read the whole thing about a year later and what I found is that I realized how far I had come. I’m glad that I documented those feelings because when I wrote the book, literally it was going back and forth, reading what I wrote, listening to the comments of the vets and it kind of flowed, it kind of came together about what, someone who has had a loss of a pet. Now, what’s interesting too is I’ve had friends that never lost a pet yet they’ve been very kind to me in gestures and different things like that. I’ve had people that have never really had that relationship with a pet and there’s nothing wrong with that, it just never happened for them. The thing is, as they said, “You know what? I’m excited for your book because I want to know how to understand and help my friends that lose a pet” and one of my best friends, that was a situation for her.

[0:17:59] Charlie Hoehn: What can we do as friends when our friends are losing a pet? How can we support them without coming across as insensitive or dismissive of their feelings?

[0:18:09] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well, sometimes you just have to give people a little bit of space. It’s like losing any loved one, you’re kind of overwhelmed during that time.

[0:18:17] Charlie Hoehn: Were your friends not doing that when you –

[0:18:20] Barbara BJ Shonk: My close friends were, I mentioned the activity of we’re not validated the day after we loss Wookie and people kind of passing it on and people will say things. One thing is when people say something to you like, “It wasn’t your family member, it was just a pet.” You feel like you want to bop somebody.

[0:18:39] Charlie Hoehn: I feel like that’s just ignorance on their part.

[0:18:40] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well, the thing is, I found, I started to feel sorry for people like that because they’ve never developed that special relationship with a pet.

[0:18:49] Charlie Hoehn: They don’t have that friendship and that love, yeah.

[0:18:52] Barbara BJ Shonk: They can’t equate to it, they weren’t trying to be mean in any fashion.

[0:18:55] Charlie Hoehn: Right. If you think about that, when you receive those responses and you will, that don’t let it bother you, don’t let it get to you because you know in your heart and nobody needs to make you feel bad that you feel that way. Author Hour is sponsored by Book in a Box. For anyone who has a great idea for a book but doesn’t have the time or patience to sit down and type it out, Book in a Box has created a new way to help you painlessly publish your book. Instead of sitting at a computer and typing for a year, hoping everything works out, Book in a Box takes you through a structured interview process that gets your ideas out of your head and into a book in just a few months. To learn more, head over to Bookinabox.com and fill out the form at the bottom of the page. Don’t let another year go by where you put off writing your book. For people who haven’t had that bond with a pet yet, how would you describe that unique relationship. Like, with friendship for instance, with other human beings like, it forms different neurological patterns in our brains. When those people pass away, it’s like, it can feel like losing a limb because you had that short hand language with that other person. With a pet, it’s almost even more intimate. How would you describe how that relationship differs from a relationship with another person?

[0:20:35] Barbara BJ Shonk: I think it is the perfect definition of unconditional love. No matter what. It doesn’t matter what your hair looks like, it doesn’t matter if you’re sweaty because you’ve worked all day in the yard. It doesn’t matter. When your pets sees you and you’ve developed this bond, they just love you and there’s nothing more soothing than seeing some kind of a sweet pet, whether large or small and being able to stroke them. Pets, look at all the things that pets are used for therapy?

[0:21:11] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, for prisoners. They have dog adoption programs for prisoners and it reduces the rate of recidivism because they develop compassion and empathy and a sense of purpose that they have to nurture this other living thing, apart from themselves. It’s super effective and there’s other forms of therapy. Which ones come to mind for you?

[0:21:36] Barbara BJ Shonk: The animals that are used for emotional attention deficit or things like that, whether it’s riding a horse or petting a horse, or seeing I docks or I mean, look it out there, all the different things with soldiers, post-traumatic stress syndrome, it is unbelievable. The stories that you hear of how these animals bring back people from wanting to pull the plug. Their life has no purpose and then they pair them with these animals and it changes their whole life.

[0:22:11] Charlie Hoehn: Because they have that bond again. Human beings are such social connecting animals themselves that when we don’t have that, especially for soldiers who go from being surrounded by their tribe, to maybe coming back to the Unites States and living along in an apartment. That’s very difficult so yeah, that pets for veterans and soldiers I can imagine being huge for them.

[0:22:36] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well you mentioned something about the soldiers and being alone. Think about the fact that there are many, many people out their that they’re pet is their only family member and I am not just talking older people. Younger people and everybody in between, sometimes that’s the only family member you have. So that’s a very devastating thing because each of us is different. The pet kind of intertwines and becomes part of our life in a different fashion. But there certainly are commonalities of the way we feel for pets and if you’ve ever had a really, really rough day and you are just quiet and that little cat or dog comes up to you and they sense it. I don’t know how they do it but they sense that you’ve had a rough day and they look at you and they rub against you or licking you or jump up next to you and what happens to your heart the moment that happens?

[0:23:37] Charlie Hoehn: Melts and it’s no longer a bad day, yeah, I mean they’re so attuned to emotional states and they’re so highly sensitive to that and they’re amazing at picking up on where you are and lifting you up.

[0:23:55] Barbara BJ Shonk: You know we talk about sixth senses. I think when you have a pet companion, a pet family member, it’s almost like there’s a seventh sense. That unknown sense that only that little creature is going to be able to pull from you.

[0:24:11] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah and dogs have the other ability, which I guess is the eighth sense, well it would be part of the seventh sense which is they can pick up on dangerous people. They can save you from bad situations that you might not be able to detect. So they have all these special abilities that round you out and make you a more protected individual. You said something about pet being the definition of unconditional love really and it reminded me of a quote and I forget who said it. But I think it was a famous author who said that dogs are her hero because they are the only ones who love unconditionally and that humans could learn a lot from dogs.

[0:25:05] Barbara BJ Shonk: You know that is really interesting because one of the things that I have found is that after having Wookie, after losing Wookie, one of the things is the ways that she changed me. I think she taught me so much about unconditional love that I have the capacity and feeling in my heart to love my family even better and we’ve got a big crew and she was very protective. When our grandchildren would come over and a workman would come in the house, she just kind of really watched them. She loves people, she loves everybody but when her family especially the grandkids or little grandkids, it’s like she was right by their high chair just watching them like, “You, you better be careful. This is my baby.” I mean she’s only 12 pounds, she was little, a miniature schnauzer but she had that absolute protectiveness. I mean they paw on her ears and grab on her tail and all this kind of stuff and sometimes it’s like, “Okay, let’s get this over with. Let’s do something else.” But you know she had the patience, she had the tolerance, she had the love to know that they were little and that they love her but they may not quite know how to pet her or pull her. But she knew and what’s interesting too with grandkids, when after we lost Wookie, when the grandkids came to the house one of the first things they said is they said, “Grandma the house feels so different without Wookie. Your house is not the same,” so what does that tell you? They just add something special to the whole atmosphere and feel of our homes. It’s hard to put in a box, it’s hard to define and I think that’s why people get so upset when their feelings aren’t validated and they don’t understand it and you may have had four or five pets but all of a sudden there’s just one pet that you really got this relationship and when those feelings come, you don’t understand them and you need help. I wanted to help people. I wanted to be able to them access something at time of need that I didn’t have.

[0:27:36] Charlie Hoehn: What lessons did you learn from Wookie on how to be more of a loving person? Do you remember moments that really stood up to you or was it just kind of a slow progression into becoming more of a loving person?

[0:27:54] Barbara BJ Shonk: I think it’s something that built but I would just see her continual patience. I would see her come up to me when I had a bad day and maybe I never said anything and what’s funny is if you think about your pet, you talk to them all the time. But sometimes if I wasn’t talking to her, that was her signal that, “She needs me. It’s time to go over there. Time to talk, time to give a kiss, time to hop on her lap,” or things like that. Just to watch it, just to watch her in action and she did this with everyone. You know something I’d like to bring up, if we could take a moment is something interesting to me was to see the reaction of the men in my life when we lost Wookie. My husband had lost pets and everything else and he was there and Will and Randy and I, we all tried to support each other but at one point, this was a week or so after we lost Wookie, he just walked into the room and lost it. I mean the tears were all over the place and he was feeling miserable and I just looked at him and said, “You miss her too don’t you?” He said, “Well of course I do” and I said, “You were so strong…”

[0:29:19] Charlie Hoehn: Was that a surprise to you?

[0:29:21] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well I know that, but what do we do? We think guys are just absolutely this big stoic creature that’s always strong and they can handle everything that is piled on their shoulders, right?

[0:29:33] Charlie Hoehn: Well I don’t believe that at all.

[0:29:34] Barbara BJ Shonk: I mean society kind of and women too.

[0:29:37] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, I am with you there. Yeah.

[0:29:38] Barbara BJ Shonk: And it’s just we had all gone through the tears but it was this delayed reaction and I said, “Wow” and I knew he missed her. I mean it was very obvious so I said, “You miss her a lot too” he says, “I really do” I said, “But you have been so strong” he says, “I’ve been strong because you needed me” and Will he just secluded himself up in his room and he’s studying and everything else. I mean she really was a family member. She was a best friend and everybody had their own unique relationship with her. And everybody in the family, there was a part of her sweet lovingness that fit into their needs to make them whole, to make them a better person.

[0:30:20] Charlie Hoehn: What are some other things in the book that you want people to take away? Let’s say somebody just lost their dog because it ran away, what can they take away from the book?

[0:30:31] Barbara BJ Shonk: Again, here’s this concept that loss is loss. When you lose an animal, regardless of the way you lose the animal your heart breaks. It’s hard. If you lose your pet in relation to they die in a surgery, they ran away, they’re lost in natural disaster, there’s elements of uncertainty involved in that and when we don’t know something it tends to magnify the pain. So, we just have to accept that sometimes with the loss of an animal, we may not put a finger onto all the details around it. If somebody rescued them or whatever but we need to stop and we need to say, “You know this is one of the things that happens in life.” Life companion’s die and there’s going to be bad things that happen but we are responsible for ourselves and we have to be able to get passed this and that’s where having tools, having information, having our feelings validated, to know what we need to do to move passed it because it is going to hurt really intensely, especially upfront. And then it’s going to gradually get better. That doesn’t mean that you won’t miss your pet. You won’t miss that interaction, that relationship you had but you will get better. But taking the responsibility and doing very positive things for yourself can make a difference. If you dwell on it, it’s only going to fester worst.

[0:32:06] Charlie Hoehn: So what kind of positive things are you talking about?

[0:32:09] Barbara BJ Shonk: I think of the things to do is to get out and do good for other people. We had one of our kiddos was struggling and come to dad and talked about it and he says, “You know what? Get out there and serve people. Get out there and do something good.” And so she went and worked at a food bank and made all the difference in the world and when she would feel down, she’d say, “You know it’s time for me to go work at the food bank,” but in order to find yourself. If you lose yourself in service and you are doing good things for others, you don’t dwell on what’s wrong with yourself but you do something positive for somebody else.

[0:32:47] Charlie Hoehn: I agree, totally. I am just wondering what the balance of you’re dealing with heartbreak and you are dealing with these emotions and it’s a good to let those be processed. How do you know if you are serving others to avoid that pain and to avoid processing those emotions versus are you serving people to take the focus off of yourself and to regain that healthier way of life? Does that make sense?

[0:33:17] Barbara BJ Shonk: Yeah, I understand what you are saying. I think one of the things is in a sense to give yourself a pep talk, is “I am feeling bad, I don’t want to avoid this pain but I need to get out of myself.” For instance, we talk about serving others. You have to take care of yourself. I mean you’ve got to work if you have a family. You have a family to take care of, you have a life to live and one of the things, now this is interesting and this is very sentimental. And this is what I personally believe and everybody can believe what they want but I believe that Wookie would not want me to feel sad. I believe she would want me to cherish her memories.

[0:34:03] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah she would be here to cheer you up while you are feeling sad.

[0:34:06] Barbara BJ Shonk: Absolutely. So in my mind she would feel bad to know that I wasn’t moving on and loss is loss. So this is true, think about this, this applies to animals. This apply to friends and people and family members because we have to get out of it. Otherwise, you’re like in this wallowing in the grief and that is not going to do anybody any good especially anybody that you interact with. Your family, your friends and so there’s a big thing and I stress this in the book. We have a responsibility for our own healing and our own mending and a lot of that is that we just have to face it and we have to understand it. As we have understand it and we have good information and we understand that other people have gone through it and if we also understand that by doing the best we can, that we will mend and then in the end is that the memories that you have of your pet that you’ve lost, those are priceless. I can’t think of anybody who loved an animal who said, “It hurt so much,” that they would forfeit the opportunity to have that pet in their life because they hurt when they lost them.

[0:35:21] Charlie Hoehn: So how can we be better pet owners while they are alive?

[0:35:26] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well one of the things is to really understand your pet to understand their needs. I think just as we take care of our self medically, we need to do this for our pets. One of the things that is really, really important is to establish a good relationship with your veterinarian and their staff and to understand the path forward. Maybe you’re a new pet owner. You have to understand about their shots, you have to understand about their food. You go through this journey, it’s like getting a new baby. You know, here’s a new child, here’s a new pet and what to do and that we are responsible for our pets. We are the advocate for them. We are the advocate for their quality of life and of course quality of life is all during their life and quality of life becomes very, very important at the end of our pet’s life and we sometimes have to make hard decisions in their behalf.

[0:36:22] Charlie Hoehn: Now what do you hope at the time of this recording the book isn’t out yet but what kind of transformation are you hoping you’ll be able to provide for the reader?

[0:36:35] Barbara BJ Shonk: I want the readers first of all to know that the loss is a loss. It doesn’t matter who does and doesn’t validate that loss. You know how you feel, you know the love you have for your pet. That’s a gift. You have their memories, also your life was better because of them and with that, when you lose them you are going to feel that immense grief. You are going to feel your heart breaking and I want them to know that I worked very hard to provide a definitive guide. A tool to help them understand the journey, to help them on the course of recovery from the time it happens, through the first year, anticipating getting a new pet, just the whole gamut of the journey that they are going to go through and it’s not easy. As I mentioned, the importance of taking the responsibility for that journey and you know when you mentioned new pets. Getting a pet – that relationship with a veterinarian just like your own doctor, you need to have a good relationship with your veterinarian because of advocating for your pet. And when things get rough and tough at the end and you have to make end of life decisions, it’s a lot easier when you have a veterinarian that is there to help you go through these decisions.

[0:38:04] Charlie Hoehn: So it really sounds like the book is ultimately the guide through the emotional journey and to make that journey less painful – not less painful actually because it is going to be painful regardless but maybe to feel less alone, right? In feeling those feelings.

[0:38:27] Barbara BJ Shonk: Yes, so you don’t feel alone and that you understand what you are going through is normal and that you see that it’s a process and that you take it day to day. And you can do all the steps and go through the whole journey and there could be something that just you don’t expect that, that sends you back and you have to realize that’s going to happen but along the journey sometimes – as you see a little setback, you can look at that. And sometimes you know, not only bringing a tear to your eye, it can bring a smile to your face or a laugh. One of the things now since it’s going on two years, I mean I look back at Wookie and it was tough but I wouldn’t trade that time with her for anything. I mean it’s worth all the pain in the end to lose her, for the time that we had together.

[0:39:21] Charlie Hoehn: Yeah, I remember coming back from a work trip, I was in my early 20’s and I just finished traveling around the United States for this work trip. I got back and my parents picked me up from the airport and they said, “Maggie, we have to put her to sleep while you were gone,” our miniature schnauzer and I was just so taken aback by that and no one told me. “Why didn’t you guys tell me,” they were like, “You were travelling around the US there was nothing you could do.” “We didn’t want you to feel horrible while you were working,” but I was so sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye to her. So I understand having this kind of a book during that time I think would have really helped. So I am hoping that this provides that guidance and that comfort for anybody who goes through anything like this, weather it’s euthanasia or the dog getting lost. Or like you said, loss is loss. So Barbara, where can people connect with you and follow you online?

[0:40:36] Barbara BJ Shonk: Well we do have a website. It’s bjrandolphllc.com and so we have our own website. It talks about the book in great detail. You can order directly off of there. We also have a lot of information for veterinarian professionals. So that they have their own lengths where they can purchase the book so they can distribute it to their clients and then it can be utilized for their staff as far as compassion, fatigue and things. As I mentioned this is very much a collaboration between a pet owner and the veterinarian. So we are trying to cover a lot of ground and fit a lot of needs to help a lot of people.

[0:41:28] Charlie Hoehn: Wonderful. Well thanks for writing this book and I hope it does really well and thanks for doing the interview.

[0:41:34] Barbara BJ Shonk: Thank you so much, it was my pleasure.

[0:41:37] Charlie Hoehn: Many thanks to BJ Shonk for being on the show. You can buy her book, Missing Pieces Broken Heart on Amazon.com. Thanks again for listening to Author Hour, enlightening conversations about books with the authors who wrote them. We’ll see you next time.